frosty moments .com

Official Rules to the Mongoose Bar Game

2012-01-13T14:11:00.015-05:00

You are at a bar with friends and up for a bit of competitive sport - the solution: Mongoose! Mongoose is like tennis, hockey, and paper football got drunk and were hit with a honey-I-shrunk-the-kids ray. As co-inventor of the game along with my compatriot Tavi, this is the home for the official rules.

Goal: Mongoose is a game where a Puck is Volleyed between players using a Striker. Winning the game involves accumulating points by moving the opponent's Goalpost or "Hanging" a quarter. Games are played to either 6 or 11 points.

Equipment:

2x One dollar bills
5x Quarters
A salt and a pepper shaker
A table you can sit across from each other at (no size regulation)

Equipment can come from anywhere, but each opponent provides one of the dollar bills.

Starting the game:

Players agree on the length of game to be played (6 or 11 points).
On the count of 3, players spin a quarter on the table. The player whose quarter comes to rest on the table last gets the first serve.
If your quarter goes off the table, that counts as "coming to rest"
The quarters are allowed to collide with each other and other objects
Once the opening server is determined, players set up the field.

Setup: Here is a diagram of the field setup.

Each player places two quarters heads-up as "Goalposts" on their edge of the table
The Goalposts are positioned using the corners of a dollar placed flush with the edge of the table
The dollars are then placed in a line at the center of the table between the players
Each player takes a salt / pepper shaker to use as a Striker
The remaining quarter is the Puck and is placed on the table tails-up

Serving:

Serving is performed by placing the Puck on your side of the table, announcing the score (e.g. "Two serving Three") and striking the Puck with your Striker
Once the Puck crosses into the other player's side, it is a fair serve
You can score points immediately from the serve

Volleying:

Each Volley begins with the appropriate player Serving
When the Puck is on your side of the table or in the "No Man's Land" between dollars, you can hit it with the striker as many times as you want to get it back onto the other player's side
Players use their striker to shoot the Puck at the opponent's Goalposts, or to Hang the puck over the opponent's edge
The Volley continues until a point is scored, the puck goes off the table, or the Puck goes "In the Rough" (see below)
Once the goalposts are measured (as needed) and the field is reset, a new Volley is started
Note: you can only strike the Puck with the Striker, you cannot "slide" it - or move the Puck with anything else. Except telekinesis. If you can do that, more power to you.

Scoring points:

If your Goalpost (quarters) move for any reason, the other player gets one point - for each goal post that moved
If a quarter comes to rest hanging over your edge of the table (it is "Hanging"), the other player getsfive points - for each quarter that is Hanging
At any time either player can request that a dollar bill be used to measure if your goal posts moved
First player to score the agreed points (6 or 11) shouts out "Mongoose!", wins the game, and keeps both dollars on the field

Scoring Examples:

If the puck hits your Goalpost and moves it, the other player gets one point
If you accidentally hit your Goalpost with your striker and move it, the other player gets one point
If the puck comes to rest over your edge of the table, the other player gets five points
If one of your Goalpost is struck and ends up hanging over the edge of the table, the other player gets six points (one for the goal post moving, and five for it hanging over the edge)
The other player does not get points for hitting your Goalpost directly with their striker (this is a foul - see Fouls below)

Going off the edge:

When the puck goes off the edge, the player who touched it last is at fault
The opponent of the player at fault starts play again by serving

Going into the rough:

If the puck stops under or on the dollars at all, it is "In the Rough"
The player who touched the puck last is at fault
The opponent of the player at fault starts play again by serving

Foul:

You are allowed to move your Striker within No Man's Land and strike the puck
If your Striker crosses the far side of No Man's Land into the other player's side, you commit a Foul
When you commit a Foul, your opponent gets to take a Penalty shot - which is a single serve that you can block, but do not return as a Volley
Whether or not the Penalty shot results in points, the Serve is returned to the player that took the Penalty shot, and they start a new Volley

Playing the Winner:

The Winner of a game remains at the table after each game as the incumbent player (unless they turn over the table)
The loser of the game relinquishes their spot to the next player for the new game
You indicate your desire to play the Winner of the current game by placing your dollar on the sidelines and declaring your intent between a Volley

Moved to GardnerSpeaking.com

2010-07-30T12:36:00.003-04:00

While my dusty witticisms are shall we say 'nostalgic', I couldn't bear to let them die a total death. New plan: all frostymoments posts are archived at gardnerspeaking, where I will be creating new content including details on my public speaking and the like.

Bullet points:

* Stop reading here
* Go to Gardner Speaking
* This blog will not be deleted for fear of losing my photos
* "Welcome to GardnerSpeaking, I love you."

Fall Craziness

2008-10-20T16:42:00.007-04:00

This Just in: Giant Radioactive Spiders Attack Owego

Yesterday was a lovely fall day to have some classic fall fun. This called for a trip to Iron Kettle Farm - our local purveyor of all things orange and pumpkin-ey. We hit the gas going through Owego as to avoid getting cocooned in our car by massive purple arachnids. This should have brought back memories from last year's trip to Iron Kettle.

In addition to delicious pies, waffle fries, and kettle corn - there were the requisite piles-o-pumpkins. In the picture you can actually see a small child lost among the gourds asking for assistance in finding her family.

Among our purchases were several ears of popcorn - as in "on-the-cob" popcorn. Details may follow when said vegetable is prepared in the Native American tradition - via my microwave.

Among the adventures to be had at the farm - this was the highlight. Being a biker, I looked forward to showing my prowess on these recumbent, single-speed pedal carts. The extreme action shot above captures the spirit of the chase. My own top speed was limited by splaying my legs to avoid the steering wheel, but what was lacking in speed was made up for in paint-swapping. People were sent into the hay bales, knees were bashed, and the faint smell of rubber wafted off scrubbed wheels.

Ultimately, victory was mine as I e-braked my way to the pit - though some site "a little girl hogging the road" as their reason for not taking first. That's just lack of dedication - when it comes to any teenie bopper in my way the story ends with me putting them into the wall.

What better way is there to draw to a close a beautiful Fall day than with a lingering sunset punctuated with a rising planet? A side perk of Winter is that the view from the house just gets better and better.

Hi. We're in Newark Valley.

2008-10-19T00:14:00.005-04:00

It's not every day you find yourself at a gas station in Newark Valley asking directions to a tourist destination - but that day (err... night) came yesterday. The occasion was our adventure to "the MAiZE" - a labyrinth-meets-art grown into a corn field over the course of the year.

You can catch this wonder until Nov. 1st - and the only way to do it is at night. We wandered around in the dark and cold (note - you can see my breath) for about an hour. I don't know why stumbling around in circles by the light of stars is fun... but it is. And I pay for the privilege. Maybe it's for the snacks.

Perhaps I'll go back to see the "corn cannon" - something from the cartoon that looks like a serious engineering attempt at turning compressed air and a corn cob into siege machinery.

Now if you'll excuse me, my mulled cider is ready ;)

2008-10-18T13:30:00.003-04:00

Last night I realized how much fun Game Nights are. No, not watching a national sport - I mean getting together with friends and playing some classic board games. Throw together people, lots of time, snack food and Apples to Apples and you have an evening of good fun and laughter...

Of course you can also throw together a blowtorch, compressed argon, and gasoline to make A REAL FREAKING FLAMETHROWER!

Our subdued game of Taboo was interrupted when the host "wanted to show us something". We fogged up the window in anticipation only to see him SHOOT FLAMES 40 FEET! Giddy like a school girl that found out Miley Cyrus moved in next door I ran out to be closer to the demonic powers issuing from his home-brewed backpack.

As it turns out, a flamethrower is useful for many things - lighting camp fires, removing leaves from the lawn, and lighting tiki torches. After I stopped hyperventilating I was able to request to pull the trigger myself. I laid a stream of Greek Fire on a tiki torch from 20 feet away that plastered the whole metal torch with lingering flame.

Best. Game. Night. Ever.

Joe the Plumber

2008-10-15T23:14:00.008-04:00

Are _you_ the real Joe? Then tell the world! Get your own "I am Joe the Plumber" t-shirt and let everyone know that you are up on current events - just like the presidential candidates! I have a fine selection of items in the store, so take a peek ;)

In case you couldn't tell - today's adventure was watching the last presidential debate. I was totally saturated with fresh cider, having played the "Joe the Plumber drinking game". Drinking on every mention of "Joe the Plumber" would have been bad enough, but there were the advanced rules of "one drink when McCain blinks out S.O.S." and "one drink when Obama smiles as McCain speaks" or "two drinks if he outright laughs".

My second adventure was getting into online merchandising. The fact is I have often lamented not following through on my ideas for humorous shirts and paraphernalia. Such ideas include a small bumpersticker for my bike that says "nice prius." No more will my ideas fad into the fog of history. No more will timely pop culture jokes be left to wither on the vine!

I was so moved by the debates, not only did I set up a CafePress store for frosty moments, but I made sure that everyone will be able to find via joetheplumber.tv!

Is this really a reward?

2008-09-23T17:45:00.005-04:00

If I had enemies, I might inflict $500 worth of McDonald's food on them. Found on the web making ad dollars for Woot, an interesting "deal a day" site known for creating the "Woot-Off"...

2008-08-02T16:08:00.001-04:00

Beer fest... I thought I wasn't drinking!

Go Yankees!

2008-08-01T20:16:00.001-04:00

I have cracker jacks!

At the fabric store

2008-07-26T13:08:00.001-04:00

Why thank you grandma - it's just what we wanted.

Boardwalk

2008-07-19T16:32:00.000-04:00

Ocean City

Architecture Lesson

2008-07-10T19:52:00.000-04:00

What? I'm sure it's original.

I missed my calling

2008-07-10T18:56:00.001-04:00

As a delivery guy...

Pushing the Limit

2008-07-10T07:17:00.002-04:00

Setting records. I didn't know I had a fifteen gallon tank! It was also a matter of faith that I could exceed 400 miles on a tank...

Interestingly the car computer says I'm creeping up to 26.4 MPG (up 2/10ths). I wonder if it is my super-mild hyper-miling practice of using neutral to unload the engine when going downhill / at a light. Or perhaps it's because I'm not weighing the car down on the return trip home ;)

On a side note, there is debate over potentially mandating cars to have a real-time MPG display (basic car comp like mine or a spiffy fuel consumption display like the Prius). I'm currently of the opinion that it is a very low cost implementation that can only help. About the only argument is one of safety - but if you are paying attention to the MPG readout you are most likely to be going slower (because it's more efficient).

And no, I can't believe I linked to About.com either.

Why I Bike Two

2008-07-09T20:13:00.000-04:00

Ice cream social - and the pedestrian I asked about it gave me a free ticket!

Chinese

2008-07-09T20:06:00.002-04:00

I need a bike rack.

* Editor's note - the above post was captured, composed and uploaded all while riding (with a bag of Chinese food effecting my steering with surprising efficiency) - yeah, I want danger kudos. Hey, some people's danger threshold is different than others.

A nuclear clock

2008-07-09T19:38:00.001-04:00

That is off by an hour... I mean _exactly_ an hour. To the second. And if for some reason you adjust it using your puny human levels of accuracy, it will reset to "current time -1" within the hour.

I spent my time waiting for my order of food explaining to a family member of the owner why exactly I was taking a picture - and where I was sending it to.

Billy is selling something new

2008-07-08T23:36:00.003-04:00

Would you buy health insurance from this man?

Yes my friends, that's right - Billy Mays is selling life insurance. He actually beat SNL to the punch on a skit... I would claim to be at a loss as to how much lower he could go, but I hear the Vatican is in talks with his agent over slumping membership numbers.

Billy Mays here - have you washed and washed, but still can't get that original sin out... well I'm here to tell you about an amazing product called Catholicism!

Wacky Chad dot Com

2008-07-08T19:57:00.001-04:00

RE: my discussion below here is self-proclamed Wacky Chad in full action. Yes, those are three flaming torches he is juggling. Yes, he is mounted on a seven foot tall unicycle. No, I didn't know they existed either. His previous unicycle was only five feet tall... how mundane.

I debated making you type in his URL if you were curious - or perhaps scroll down a few virtual inches - but far be it from me to expose your wrists or mouse wheel finger to repetitive stress injuries just because I was too lazy to throw in some markup...

Why I Bike

2008-07-08T19:46:00.003-04:00

Random guys on super pogo sticks...

Actually, that is a Flybar 800 - with 800 lbs of lift in it's elastic - that's four feet of vertical for you average weight people... It's no Flybar 1200, but this is Wacky Chad one hop away from doing a backflip - with his pogo stick. Yeah, you heard me. For the unimaginative ones in the audience, flip your monitor over to get the idea.

The story is this - I'm riding my usual route home from work, and I decide to try and find a less hectic route through Endicott than Main Street. This was a novel idea to me because I was afflicted with driver's syndrome (the inability to go anywhere except by the fastest route, regardless of distance and scenery). I'm getting cured of that. Next thing you know I'll be swapping my handlebars and riding upright like some sort of Dutchman. But I digress.

And so I did digress from my normal route - cutting up a street before Washington, looking for a residential pace instead of drag-racing cars in a 40 MPH zone. No sooner do I turn but there is a crowd of children in front of the library. You can recognize "street performers" in under a second flat so I pulled up to give a gander. What I found was a summer's evening treat of entertainment! All because I was biking along.

At Dick's

2008-07-05T20:42:00.001-04:00

Good (lawn) seats at the Hootie concert...

White Hairs

2008-07-03T19:43:00.000-04:00

The diverse crowd at the pops concert...

Softball's ending

2008-06-23T19:03:00.002-04:00

You know it's raining well if the drops are big enough to show up on my cameraphone. Incidentally, I later found the end of that rainbow - for the first time in my life it was ten feet away from me! My how everyone got drenched - but the beauty is, you always dry out... my message for today to America is - don't fear getting wet, you may have fun, get exercise, or find gold. (decreasing order of certainty)

Owego Strawberry Fest

2008-06-20T20:41:00.000-04:00

Beach Hammock

2008-06-04T21:13:00.000-04:00

It's huge! But the near pole isn't secure... Guess how I know.

Insert Dollar

2008-06-04T19:46:00.001-04:00

I had no idea it was that easy!

Wine Country

2008-05-31T17:29:00.002-04:00

You have to love it! (yes, even sober)

Memo to self

2008-05-30T22:25:00.001-04:00

I can ride my bike with no handlebars.

How convenient that this bike was there to let me remember the song, which gave me a chance to see the video. You want to talk about a hook that will get stuck in your head...

As a side note, I was a bit disappointed to note the bike in the video has handlebars.

BSD

2008-05-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

Why real cars don't drive by wire on windows

64 Lanes of Fury

2008-05-23T18:10:00.001-04:00

As far as the eye can see... Note the little futuristic podiums used for data entry. Nice design, but inferior blister keyboard material (for the manufacturer when he stops by).

Brilliance at the bowling alley

2008-05-23T17:53:00.003-04:00

If you are rude about it, we will give espresso to the puppy too (yeah, you might want to turn off your sound for that annoying website).

Welcome to Florida

2008-05-22T13:38:00.002-04:00

Palm trees - check.

Cars Available

2008-05-22T13:28:00.002-04:00

By "cars" they mean seventeen minivans and a Kia - singular.

T-shirt double feature

2008-05-17T12:08:00.001-04:00

Her ass says "There are rules to this game". Indeed...

Well Played

2008-05-17T12:02:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you can spot the talented ones young...

NASCAR

2008-05-16T17:14:00.003-04:00

Official Chocolate Bar of NASCAR

You can tell your are watching a "sport" when they have official merchandise like this. Granted, even extremely physical activities are sponsored by beer companies - and that says something about you, the fan. And well, I guess Snickers is saying something about the fans too. Hmm - I wonder what McDonald's sponsors. Oh.

Incidentally, I just saw this on the new SAT: "going to the gym" is to "Olympics" as "commuting" is to "NASCAR"...

And you thought you weren't getting a work-out driving to your job. Who even needs bike to work day?!

2008-05-14T21:20:00.000-04:00

No smoking?

2008-05-11T12:19:00.001-04:00

I've never been specifically told it's alright not to smoke...

Normally it is much more efficient to list the things I am prohibited from doing, instead of spending the money to tell me what I am permitted to do.

Utica NY

2008-05-04T13:20:00.002-04:00

Cultural center of the north...

Heart attack rates are up

2008-05-02T11:22:00.000-04:00

I blame amp's "Big Rig"for this.

Class

2008-04-25T22:24:00.001-04:00

Sure, some 5 star hotels have a blind guy in the restroom dispensing towels, but you can really judge a place by the urinal cakes they use.

Good to know

2008-04-18T15:54:00.003-04:00

Curse you weak digital zoom on my phone! This ever-helpful sign informs the public that "FISH IS BACK". It strikes me as a random message more suited to being scrawled on concrete with spraypaint.

Incidentally, has anyone seen the Zoidberg graffiti on the 17 east-bound drainage ditch (look down and to the right before you hit Apalachin)? It simply has "Mute?" written next to it - a very deep message in my opinion. The picture itself is nice work - considering where we're at. I suppose I'll have to get a picture of it now - even at risk of shutting down "future I-86" with a 22 car pile-up.

"Well you see officer, I have this blog..."

At the Post Office

2008-04-15T18:45:00.000-04:00

What law is that again? Is this Al Gore's doing? Happy tax day!

Party Room

2008-04-15T13:17:00.002-04:00

Of all the party rooms, party room four never seemed to be booked with as many birthdays as rooms one through three...

"Peace, my son - it was the 70's"

2008-04-14T15:31:00.001-04:00

The son of god was sent to Earth to forgive all your fashion sins.

Viva Mexico!

2008-04-12T15:09:00.001-04:00

A bottle in one hand and a gun in the other. This place is authentic!

Welcome Bowler's

2008-04-10T10:20:00.001-04:00

I'm not above typos by any means, but I do go over several times anything I'm committing to a sign. This one caught my attention because of the apostrophe...

I thought, maybe they ran out of budget for the second line of text but no, if they wanted to go for a possessive it would be "Welcome Bowlers' Leagues", would it not?

I wouldn't bat an eye at dropping punctuation on signage, but to go out of your way to put it in - that will make my blog. My blog with all the extra commas and ellipses...

Expensive Cheese

2008-04-08T11:19:00.003-04:00

If this is what is what $55US worth of cheese looks like, I'm sticking to my $3/lb cheddar. I guess I just lack the culture to appreciate it...

This is as seen from an ad on the story about the super-internet. I worry that there is some strong, deep reason for the product placement that I am missing.

In the News

2008-04-08T11:08:00.003-04:00

Is there a blogger alive that hasn't drifted out of existence at some point - only to return all apologetic? Perhaps not, but most don't drift away for as long as me.

The truth is, I have been online this entire time - and finally disabled my StumbleUpon toolbar to free up some spare time. This was a short-lived victory since I was introduced to the "steam-punk comic" genre and have since spent every waking moment online reading Girl Genius thank you very much...
As of now, I am caught up and eagerly awaiting Wednesday to get my next fix.

On another note - I have lost my domain name through a process of neglect that I have perfected. It was scooped up by a cyber-squatter company, and I have no hope that it will be available any time soon. Maybe in a year. Maybe never. (shrug)

And to round out this update, I would be remiss to not point you to an article on the future of the internet. It is an intriguing tale from CERN of ultra-fast speeds and the mysterious Higgs Boson. Incidently, the Higgs Boson is proposed to be the reason there is mass, so perhaps if we crack this particle physics question we can finally find a cure for feeling fat! Look for the article headed "Super-Collider Blasts Love Handle Woes"!

5lbs chocolate bar

2008-04-05T12:51:00.001-04:00

Gnome used for scale.

Good to know

2008-04-05T12:32:00.002-04:00

Aside from amusing me - there was a serious message behind this "after-market addition"...

THIS PHONE IS TAPPED Your conversation is being monitored by the US Government. Courtesy of the US Patriot Act of 2001, Sec. 216 of which permits all phone calls to be recorded without warrant or notification.

Vandalism? Perhaps. But bloody brilliant vandalism. If only they can hire pick-pockets to grab your cell phone, put a sticker on it, and put it back in your holster. Or cat burglars to put them on your home phone...

No sunset but...

2008-04-01T18:26:00.002-04:00

It's been so long since I've seen a rainbow - and so bright... and it was a double! I am _so_ ready for spring.

Sorry I didn't have some clever joke to play on you today - I'll plan ahead for next year ;)

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T11:59:00.001-04:00

A lamb of god gummi. I ate him. He was chewy.

Next to the bedazzler

2008-03-18T20:59:00.000-04:00

Feel free to flip your monitor...

Find the stone penis

2008-03-17T19:46:00.000-04:00

Only zero days until St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-17T18:45:00.001-04:00

It's spring!

2008-03-15T18:08:00.001-04:00

Yeah they're real.

2008-02-01T23:17:00.001-05:00

And she is so excited to have them...

Why does this amuse me so?

2008-02-01T18:09:00.001-05:00

Guitar Hero Wisdom

2008-01-27T09:56:00.001-05:00

Shopping the Next 9/11

2008-01-18T20:40:00.001-05:00

But we thought of them... Or is it a blank story?

Alcoholism in Today's Youth

2008-01-17T10:09:00.001-05:00

Children don't get the big cups

Happy Vitamin C Day!

2008-01-16T12:39:00.001-05:00

2008-01-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

Btw - happy penguin appreciation day!

Happy Gravity Day!

2008-01-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

This is the day that we join together and appreciate gravity! Think about what life would be like without gravity... it starts with being very careful pushing off the ground. The hydrological cycle would be all out of whack. As a matter of fact, the oceans would just turn into giant spheres - it would be really easy to drown in them... Actually, the atmosphere would become one giant haze of dirt and moisture. Actually, that wouldn't be a problem, because the atmosphere wouldn't hang around. Not that big a deal considering the planet itself would drift apart. As would the sun. As a matter of fact, without our buddy gravity, the universe would die a quick, cold death.

So let's hear it for gravity:
For he's a heavy old fel-low, for he's a heavy old fel-low, for he's a heavy old feee-eee-llooow, which nobody can deny...

It marks the first in a calendar full of appreciation holidays. It will include indoor plumbing, friction, oxygen, and possibly fleece. What basic comfort of life do you think we should add to the 366 days (Feb. 29th is Gregorian appreciation day?) of appreciation calendar, and why?

Purpose Poll Results

2008-01-04T23:40:00.000-05:00

Do you have a true purpose in life? (9 replies)
6 - No. There is no such thing.
1 - No. I have not chosen one yet. <- My vote
1 - Yes. But I don't know what it is.
1 - Yes. And I know exactly what it is.
0 - Yes. It is divinely managed.

These results are informative - "No. There is no such thing" was the answer I least expected. It makes me aware that I am far from alone in wrestling with coming to grips with a universe that seems to lack inherent purpose. Thank you all for your input!

Lessons on Failure

2008-01-04T22:45:00.000-05:00

When all you see is gray in front of you, you can turn around or keep advancing. You might be stopped by a concrete wall, but sometimes you will walk right through the fog.

As I said, it was my goal to determine my true life purpose by the end of last year. By that very measurable metric, I have failed. What is interesting is that I was much more public about my goal than nearly all previous occasions, but having failed publicly, I am not ashamed or deterred. I do not feel guilty like I have in the past.

I am not discouraged because I am continuing my efforts. When you experience a setback, you can truthfully say "I failed to meet goal X", but it is not a true failure unless you give up on a goal you still desire. In shorthand: you don't fail when you get knocked down - you fail when you don't stand up again.

I consistently explored my purpose through writing. I did not track it as I should have, but I think I wrote every single day. My self-discipline did slip in that I allowed myself to get sidetracked in writing about such things as my camera and transportation technology. I will expand in the future on my experience with mental and physiological effects that occur to distract me from topics I have resistance to.

While I did not achieve my goal, I have made progress toward it. I have had to define (sometimes for the first time) my assumptions about reality, belief, potential, the law of attraction, and other fundamentals. This exploration has been enlightening, and is already changing some of my beliefs - making me a more positive person.

Additionally, I have engaged other people in discussion about core beliefs. The most common response when I inquired about people's true purpose was "I don't have one". This is reinforced by the purpose poll results. At least one person was very content with their purpose, even though she did not have some sweeping, earth-changing goal. As with writing I wandered into adjacent topics while conversing with people, such as religion - which was illuminating, even while less focused on my goal. I will continue to increase conversations with others to get their take on the meaning of life.

I feel very close to my purpose. I will definitely have it described in clear verbiage by March 14th (Einstein's birthday) - also the deadline for my goal of losing another 11 pounds (the latter goal in light of multiple ideal-weight references).

2008-01-01T23:18:00.000-05:00

Did you hear about the zen monk who ordered a hot dog? He said he had one with everything.

I have a problem - when I look at a list of movies, none of them seem to interest me, but if I just start watching them I get drawn in and usually enjoy myself. Especially anything with a wreath from an independent film festival. And so, we sit down to watch a movie and "The Secret" is beaten out in popularity by "Next". One on-demand click and five virtual dollars later, the movie begins.

The basic plot is that our protagonist played by Nicholas Cage (a selling or detracting point depending on your predisposition) can see up to two minutes into the future. This means he can dodge bullets - but not in a Neo way ("I'm saying when you are ready, you won't have to") but more of a trial and error way. At one point in the movie their over-abundant CG budget is put to giving a feel for how his premonition works - he walks towards a bad-guy who empties a clip at him. Or rather _into_ him. With every step and bullet, the splits into potential paths - each possible body fading out as it is shot - leaving an un-riddled Cage face to face with the bad-guy (who is holding an empty pistol).

After the movie, a friend was contemplating how the character's vision worked. After all, wouldn't he get exhausted running all of those potential options? A single 30 second action could take hours worth of trial and error to get "right". I shared my view that it was intended that the split selves - the potential futures didn't happen - he _knew_ each possibility. Thinking on the fly I noted that he just set in his mind his desired outcome and all the possible outcomes were sorted by that desire until one outcome that resulted in what he wanted came to him.

In this explanation, he only walks one path - the one that gives him the results he seeks. I recognize that this is the plot of a fictional movie, but it is useful as a visualization of a hypothesis (a mental experiment as Einstein was prone to). Is this a metaphor for understanding how the law of attraction works? You set your mind on an intention and within the boundaries of reality, you take the path that reaches that desire.

It relates to your actions in a massive, unknowable universe. He can dodge left or right, but it takes into account the actions and reactions of the gunman - atmospherics, physical interactions.

This ties into determinism - it ties into the physics theories that there are infinite parallel universes - one for every possible permutation - all static in "time". Dynamic action - choice - time itself is caused by the meandering we take through those possible realities. The hard part is to understand that the universes aren't spawned at the moment of choice - they are always there - always have been - as they will be even if they are not taken. This touches on duality - and determinism. If I go left, the universe in which I go right still exists. I go left and right. Schroedinger speaks of this - on the quantum level. This is the game that might be played by the smallest building blocks of matter as we know it.

Wouldn't this effect become compounded the higher perspective you take - the more particles in the mix? Is it so hard to imagine that these interactions quickly exceed our comprehension and seem to us free will? So many possibilities that we feel the sensation as total freedom of choice. Is that not the truth then? But doesn't it mean that there is _one_ universe that we experience from start to end - the one that has all the outcomes we perceive? What is behind the coincidence that Pandora chooses to play "Building Tension in 2 Dimensions" right now?

What's interesting about all this? If I hadn't seen "Next", I would have watched "The Secret" - a documentary about the law of attraction. No matter what path I took between those two, I would have gotten a similar lesson. But those were the two I was attracted to - more so than Shrek 3. I'm off to reflect a bit more on this.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T03:20:00.001-05:00

On Reviews and Fair Warning

2007-12-30T07:03:00.000-05:00

Lord help us all... I have a new camera. I have replaced my Canon SD400 with (brace yourself) the Canon SD1000. I'm not all about the new and the cool, it was just time to finally do something about the fact that the 400's display was cracked.

This brings me to the topic of reviews. Speroni spoke of reviewing media, so let me share a few words on something I am passionate about: cameras.

First, the bad... the official, branded, black leather Canon camera case. I stored my venerable SD400 in a sleek little hip holster (sleek in a "I'm Batman" way) but looks aren't everything. It had a very secure magnetic closure - a cross between a magnet and a snap that you usually see on purses. It was easy to access and secure, but the male end of the snap was on the case's flap, so whenever I drew out the camera the snap would drag across the camera, scratching it.

Since the Canon SD series has very spiffy metal cases - mostly stainless steel - I took to storing the camera screen-out so that the snap (lightly) scratched the front casing instead of mucking up the screen. All fine and well - except the female portion of the snap embedded in the case falls directly on the LCD viewing screen. At some point pressure was put on the case which cracked the screen. And I thought the purpose of the case was to _protect_ the camera. Did I mention this was an official Canon accessory?

Fast forward through a lot of procrastination and we get to modern times. I was given (by a very generous elf) the bestest of the best in the Canon SD line - the SD900. Yep, the best is numerically less than the "almost best" SD1000. Don't ask me. This 10 mega-pixel, titanium cased beast packed a flash that could match the instantaneous energy output of a blue dwarf star. This latter feature was actually a point of criticism - the flash would appear to wash pictures out a bit (but man would it help in fighting vampires).

The thing that turned me off was the size. With the 10 mpix came larger optics. With that came a curvier case than the SD400, but a noticeably bulkier size. Also, despite sporting a lightweight titanium case (so light-skinned I thought it was plastic at first), the specs say it weighs around half a pound. I got so far as buying a case for the 900 - mind you, the Canon cases are designed the same way still, so it was after market - and you knew when this bad boy was on your hip (as a friend pointed out, personal defense is an option when swung by the carry strap).

My specific deal to get the SD900 involved returning my old SD400 (his name is Charles) to Canon's refurbishing department for them to keep. Ultimately, nostalgia won out and when push came to shove, it was the sleek SD900 that ended up being shipped back. Call me a sap.

So, finding myself in the same situation I started, I bought outright the Canon SD1000 (well, the aforementioned elf did anyway). This is the good part of the review. I am thrilled with the SD1000. It is the same size as the 400, but with more flush screen and controls (not at all annoying - as it might first appear) it appears even _smaller_. After all, shouldn't new versions of technology be _smaller_ than their predecessors?

The feature-set is the best Canon has to offer. It has an automatic mode that will get you through most point-and-shoot situations. In low light or very mixed light situations there are "manual" modes you can use. In these you can control exposure level, ISO (up to 1,600 - of course it gets grainy at the higher settings), and coloring (not just sepia and B&W - it has full Photoshop-ish controls built-in). You can adjust lighting quality for various outdoor and indoor situations (this makes a world of difference in situations like "florescent").

There are pre-set specialized modes like "Indoor", "Snow", and "Fireworks". I am a personal fan of the "night snapshot" setting which both uses flash then instantly adjusts to capture existing light. This is meant for getting a clear shot of a tourist in the foreground of the Eiffel tower at night, but works for rich colors in all sorts of situations (if you have a steady hand).

There are other "way-cool" features - many not on the SD400. There is multi-target face recognition (anyone see the "your father isn't a horse's ass" commercials?) that goes so far as to assign the photo to the "People" category (yes, it has multiple categories like "Scenery" that you can tag photos with for organization). There are all sorts of timer settings - you can set a custom timer to wait 7 seconds then take 3 pictures. The details are everywhere - you can even choose the type of transition the photos do when flipping through the review mode. With this camera you will be doing a lot of "hey, come check this out" for a while.

Let's get down to brass tacks though - how well does it take pictures? Image quality is excellent - I trust Canon above all other brands in this department. I'll go head to head with any other brand on the quality of point-and-shoot photos. The flash is ample, without being overwhelming (flash intensity settings would be nice). I don't have much detail in this all-important area of review, that's because this camera (as the 400 before it) just shoots great photos - in all sorts of lighting conditions (especially if you know how to use manual shooting modes).

The SD1000 is a 7 mega-pixel camera, which is more than ample for me (and if you are reading this - more than ample for you too). While I don't need more pixels, it does have one side benefit - a digital zoom that you can use. The swan at the top of the post was shot beyond the 3x optical zoom - it was maxed out to about 12x. The viewfinder saw the swan as a blurry mess at that zoom level, but the resulting picture speaks for itself.

I shoe-horned the camera into an equally sleek looking Lowepro Napoli 5 camera pouch. It also has a magnetic closure, but no exposed metal parts and nothing but posh padding to caress the camera when it is holstered. Did I mention the Canon brand case is still designed the same (defective) way?

I don't know what "compact point-and-shoot" is supposed to entail according to the professionals, but the Canon SD1000 gives you point-and-shoot "plus" in a sub-compact package. If you are looking for a digital camera and have $150 (as of now) - then you will not be disappointed by the SD1000. Nay, I guarantee you will be thrilled with this quality camera.

Oh, and this development means good things for frosty moments from a photo-blog perspective (get it - "development" - what would you all do without me?)...

Overheard Christmas Carol

2007-12-29T09:33:00.000-05:00

You better watch out... you better not die. Santa Claus is coming to town...

From the mouth of babes...

Meta-Comments

2007-12-29T09:01:00.000-05:00

Very few people are partaking of the free breakfast in the hotel lobby at 6:30 on a Saturday. BTW, I have chosen to move my waking time to 6am... it's interesting how that one half hour makes the perceived difference between "early" and "super-early". Not that there is reason to brag either way - I have become conscious of the number of people that get up at that time or earlier.

I am thrilled to have so many thought-provoking comments waiting for me... Speroni actually brought it to my attention that they were accumulating. I get the feeling that I am off-sync with when I post vs when everyone is looking for something to read online... but I bet that works out ;)

I have spent most of the time available to me this morning replying to comments on my "Life's Purpose is Beauty" post. In light of this (and because of it's length) I will double-duty it as my post today. It is sectioned by reply to each of the commenters.

Speroni

An accurate summary of the post (a chosen purpose of appreciating beauty - in the face of purposelessness), but not a statement of my chosen purpose - just a proposed purpose... a hypothesis. The style of my personal writing has consciously become less equivocal - I drop the perhaps'es and the maybe's. I make statements as if they are fact and then see where they lead - what are their implications. When a question occurs to me I record it and then answer it in real time. The point is to not take excerpts from my personal writing as fixed beliefs of mine.

I see your question as a bit of a tail chase or non-question... since art is assumed to be a subset of existence - which is objectively purposeless. Though that assumption bears scrutiny in light of our discussion. If by existence we are talking "reality" - then yes, beauty and art are subsets. This line of thinking is more of a zen bent - looking at the world with an equal eye - realizing that it is all clockworks of a sort - all things purposeless and exactly purposeful at the same time. I think I just got a taste of what the Eastern philosophy intends by holding conflicting thoughts in your head. Yin/Yang balance. (but there is still issue with seeking mental oblivion)

No disparagement perceived... I'm not saying perception or creation of beauty is an objective reason for being. I re-iterate that there is no _objective_ purpose. But a chosen purpose - that is something else. There are many that have made art their purpose in life.

In conclusion: Ohh, so fish-people, by dint of being fish-people are less disciplined than non-fish-people?

Missy

Your comment sparked insight for me... These introspective sessions have a theme: I will detect a pattern in reality - like the hierarchy of organisms - but when it comes to facing the natural conclusion of that pattern when applied to humanity, I fall pray to the same egocentricity that put the Earth at the center of the universe. This applies here... If you propose that all things - including the circle of life in nature - are beautiful, how can you then draw the line at human behavior?

The natural implication is that the barbarism of man can be viewed from the same angle as the "cold" actions of other animals. The only reason for feeling there should be an artificial line between humans and other animals is ego. It is even absurd to separate "the circle of life" from us. Just because we live in climate-controlled asphalt jungles doesn't mean we follow any different rules than everyone on the savanna.

One answer to the dilemma is to refer to the contrast / juxtaposition aspect of beauty. By saying that light is only perceivable in contrast to dark, it does not mean that the dark (the vicious) is beautiful... it allows for some things to be not-beautiful. But yes, because the not-beautiful is necessary for us to perceive the beautiful - are they not beautiful to some extent themselves? Is the light metaphor broken? We can perceive blinding light in absence of contrast... ah, but would we be able to if we _never_ had perceived darkness / contrast?

If there is some sort of limitation on seeing beauty - it would be self-imposed. It takes only putting down your assumed framework - your box - and accepting the broader view. It means taking a bigger box and saying "if I were to put everything I experience into this box, how would it fit. This is a great summary of how to see new viewpoints - a fortunate discovery.

Anonymous

I couldn't agree more that humans "invent" to fill the gaps we feel. I have often summarized God as "the answer to questions we don't have an answer to yet". There is a battle - between subjective and objective reality. My faith is that there is an objective reality - that there is "one way things are" - but what happens when you believe that reality is subjective? Or that there is a benevolent deity that reacts to your will? These latter beliefs may promote personal happiness. What's really interesting is that should I accept one as true, I would probably see evidence to support it.

This raises the question - is the belief in objective reality like the pessimism that I am working to eliminate? If assuming things will work out makes them work out, should I not (in absence of other evidence) assume that there is purpose to existence and see how that impacts my life? I have railed so long against "deluding myself" - why should I assume that the negative is more likely to be real? I am starting to grasp what Pavlina means by "holding different beliefs in your head"... even conflicting ones. Is it all a choice? I have done this in the past to an extent - seeing intellectually a deterministic universe, but having to live as if there is free will. I saw that assuming free will is far more beneficial.

A developing belief of mine is that there is an objective Reality (with "rules" that are impossible to defy), but you can live "out of harmony with Reality" (have goals / motivations that conflict with it). When you are in harmony with Reality, your wellness is promoted. When you are out of harmony "bad things happen to you" - there are negative side affects. As in assuming there is free will, I perceive value in assuming purpose. Wouldn't it be advisable in light of evidence to assume purpose and see what the result of that is? Especially since I currently assume there is no purpose (because I can't perceive one / reason one out) - but it is not a provable hypothesis either way. The only arbitration I can think of is to act on the belief and see the results I receive.

Currently I assume no purpose, but in a way, I am displeased with the over-all quality of my living (that's why I'm working to improve) - doesn't it seem logical that adopting the equally valid and opposite assumption "there is innate purpose to life" could provide an improvement of life quality?

As a side note, I do have to disagree on separating humanity from all other life. There is no reason to think animals don't have choice - it may be less developed, as their reasoning abilities are - but like many things, it is a continuous scale. The scale overlaps - the most aware apes surpassing the most mentally debilitated humans.

--------------------------

Since I just about wiped out this entire post, I think I'll get it online before I make another mistake ;)

Life's Purpose is Beauty

2007-12-22T07:49:00.000-05:00

Here is an excerpt from my recent writing. It stems from reflecting on exactly what "purpose" is.

What is a purpose? Is this a purely human concept? Do all things "just exist"?
Purpose is the answer to a "why does this exist".
Why do humans exist? To perpetuate? Is the difficulty caused by separating humanity from the rest of life?
Why does life exist?
Life is a work of art. The purpose of art is to be beautiful. It is not utilitarian - it is not required to have any justification of it's form other than pleasing the senses.
The biological aspects of life - the mundane - are only requirements for the art to stand - it is like the metal girding inside a delicate statue.
Where does the beauty of life come from? In the delicate balance of all it's parts. Life is beautiful in and of itself because of the internal balance it provides. Sometimes it is vicious - the she-lion killing and eating the gazelle. But look at the lines of the lion - the rippling muscles, the focus of purpose - look at the power and grace of the gazelle. Marvel at the dance of life that allows the sun to feed the grasses that they run through - that the gazelle eats and makes part of it's body - that fuels it's lifeblood as it runs - that becomes the nourishment of the lion - that when it dies becomes the nourishment of the lowest of animals - and returns it all to the soil - from where the grass spouts - which they run through.
The purpose of life is to be beautiful. If it were all pleasant - all the happy smile of a child in a painting - then it would lack the depth of beauty that is possible - the beauty of an enigmatic smirk or a sideways glance. Without dark, how can you know what light truly is?
Whenever I have thought about my inner composition and what I was good at, I always come up with the fact that I can admire beauty. So what does applying this theory - that the purpose of life is to be beautiful - mean when applied to humans? We fight wars amongst ourselves - is this the dark side of beauty? Is man breaking the natural beauty of life's system?
Is man able to bring unknown beauty to the world, but also have the power to destroy the beauty that already exists?
If I accept all things as beautiful - the bright orange and turquoise of strip-mine runoff - what does that imply for my purpose?

In summary this excerpt says "yes, there is no real reason for life to exist - so it's purpose is that of art - to be beautiful". Your thoughts?

A Working Definition

2007-12-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

As prompted, here is my current best statement of purpose (no crying yet):

My true purpose in life is to create and embody systems that allow anyone to live exceptionally.

Pretty condensed and to the point... Let me walk you through what's behind it.

In general, I believe that if a person desires (and is willing to pursue) an exceptional life, then they should have access to the means to make it happen. I'm brainstorming different words than "exceptional" to convey my exact connotation, but basically I mean a "well" life - a happy one - orders of magnitude more enjoyable and fulfilling than that experienced by those on autopilot. You see people everywhere *dragging* themselves through their day. Choked by a necktie, grinding through life in a man-made jungle, becoming pale under the flicker of florescent tubes.

If someone wants to reach their full potential of happiness and fulfillment (they want to rise with a spring in their step and a smile on their face) then in today's age they should have the means - regardless of who they are or where they currently are.

There is a lack of resources to enable someone to live well. There is a need for something more than generalities, quick fixes, and consulting services. What is required is a system. A system is composed of resources and processes - it provides a structured means to achieving a goal. Resources could be reference information or stores offering specialized goods. Processes are documented, step-by-step instructions on how to do something. A process, as with all things, is never perfect (and may be pretty far off base) but it is powerful because it allows you to tweak and experiment with what you do in order to make improvements over time.

I am an architect and a creative person, so I envision myself designing these systems to enable people. The word that struck a chord with me was "create". The act of creation is engaging and fulfilling - it really captured the emotion I was feeling. It is my nature to be creative - it was what I was born to do.

Unfortunately, isolated ideas lack even the force of a Martian wind - they are insubstantial. In order for ideas to make a difference they need to be implemented - made real. I chose the word "embodied". It connotes bringing the ideas into physical reality and "having something to show for them". It also implies that I myself will live the ideas - that I will enable my life to become what I dream it to be. This resolved the debate of "should my purpose be to better myself, or to altruistically devote myself to helping my fellow humans?"... it was not a win-lose decision anymore.

Throughout this process I have been wary of becoming like the get-rich-quick guru that tells you how to make a fortune - when he himself got rich by telling people how to get rich. I don't want to come up with "my purpose is to help people find their purpose". That is ridiculous - what insight would I truly have to offer into other people's struggle for purpose? Instead my working purpose statement aims at creating the tools to allow a person who has set a goal to reach it.

That last thought has put my thinking down a different siding - back to free-writing for a bit to explore the implications :)

Random Holiday Shopping Tip

2007-12-21T20:42:00.001-05:00

It was brought to my attention that there is something called Amazon Prime Club which you join for $75 / year. You get unlimited free 2 day express shipping ($3.99 overnight), no minimum orders (as in, ship each item separate and your new laptop won't be held up while they back-order your florescent green post-its in the shape of a palm tree), and the ability to share with 4 accounts in the same household. I don't use it, and it may be a bit late for this season, but useful looking none the less. And maybe that overnight shipping could come in handy for this season ;)

It's got what plants crave

2007-12-21T19:57:00.000-05:00

There is a pop culture god and he has answered my prayers. In case I haven't mentioned it yet, one of the foremost influences in my life when I think about the future is the movie Idiocracy. If you find my blog at all amusing and have yet to see this movie, stop. Step away from your computer (or overly complicated telecommunications device of choice) and go rent this movie.

Yes, you will laugh. But you will also develop a serious fear for the future of humanity. And you will want to have a kid - or 4 - just to win the breeding war. Confused? You shouldn't be, because if you have yet to see the movie I have already instructed you to drop everything and go see it.

It will give you an appreciation for the value of global education - and a slight aversion to ubiquitous advertising.

Like say TV ads on my orange:

Or on parking lot lines:

Method to Finding Purpose

2007-12-21T07:57:00.000-05:00

There as many things to talk about - I feel the perfectionist need to present them in an orderly fashion, but so often "hold of for now" becomes "hold off forever"... To avoid this - I'll post as things come up, but I know my short term goal is to find my true purpose in life - so I will focus on that topic of discussion. We can talk about diet and sleeping after the new year.

It has been asked how I am pursuing the discovery of my true purpose. First and foremost, I set a clear goal - and time line. Then, to create external motivational pressure, I announced my intentions to my friends - and potentially the world via this blog. Not only that, but it allows me to gather input from others about purpose. It makes for a great topic of conversation / way of getting to know someone / personal motivator. Writing to this blog serves another purpose as well. It is an extension of my broader practice of writing for at least an hour a day on purpose and the evaluation of myself.

The one technique that I use offline is an exercise suggested by Steve Pavlina. It is very basic - involving free-writing to answer the question "What is my true purpose in life?" and simply continuing to write until you cry. Now, I don't know if I will be driven to tears by my final answer, but I know the true answer will toll a deep resonance within me. I have had many statements come from this writing that were candidates for my true purpose, but I found that I often could not effortlessly remember what they were hours later. I realize that my real answer will be immediately rememberable. That is the challenge to this method. You feel like you have a breakthrough - it feels like the ultimate answer, but maybe a day later, you have a hard time remembering exactly what it was your epiphany was. That information isn't lost - it is incorporated into your realm of knowledge, but it isn't the "one true answer". So you must drive yourself to keep going - to keep writing. There is one phrase that has stuck with me in memory - but it hasn't transformed my outlook - and no tears. I think I'm in the ballpark of my statement of purpose, but I have to push forward and dig deeper.

My approach boils down to clear focus on my goal of finding my purpose and brute-force writing until I run out of false words and finally let slip the real answer. As I go I also find new angles to approach the writing from - such as listing my strengths, or everything I "like", or "If I had no limitations whatsoever, what kind of life would I have".

Time to depart for now... Later today I will take a step back and explain what identifying your true purpose means and _why_ one should bother in the first place.

Womp womp womp

2007-12-20T01:12:00.000-05:00

Why you shouldn't stay sober at a bar.

Finally, an already-eaten ghost that looks appropriately sad!

Where, oh where have I been?

2007-12-19T18:00:00.000-05:00

It's interesting that my post from Dec. 1st is a sunset. Really, on a cold day how do you tell the difference between it and a sunrise?

I've been doing a thing or two since Dec. 1st. I just finished losing the 30 lbs I said I would. I can attribute the last few pounds at least to a vegetarian diet (yeah, that's new too). Unfortunately, I can also attribute some of it to loss of muscle (I hear it weighs more) - so I am exercising now (new again). I am even getting up at 5:30 every day and sleeping less by going polyphasic (I qualify because I take 2 naps instead of one). My focus on sleep has been helped by quitting caffeine and alcohol.

But there is one other little thing I am working on - which caused the recent silence in posts. I am figuring out my true life purpose by the end of the year. I'm confident in success, but time is understandably short. I am writing my way through exercises, but once you start digging on a subject like that you fall right in - no time to clean it up for audiences. Although I did feel guilty enough to leave comments on Speroni's blog (note to self - put him on a link section, as he has been kind enough to do).

So what comes next? Well, I am going to expand the scope of the blog into more traditional areas. I will use it to discuss thoughts on purpose and the order of life.
You know, I think I will add posting daily to the list of habits I am cultivating. It will teach consistent action - even in the face of imperfection. Some may be surprised that I have a serious side - but worry not, the more important something is, the more amusing it can be.

I have to warn you about a conflict though - another of the habits I am cultivating is to not talk about myself. It recently came to my attention that a vast majority of conversations involve one person waiting for the other to finish talking so that they may tell a related story from their life. I have yet to put my finger squarely on the positive rush you get from talking about yourself and your experiences, but it is a near-universal sensation. Thus, I have made it a habit (in addition to cultivating better speaking skills such as dropping "umms") to not tell my stories - and even to move away from couching statements with "I think" or "I can see" or "in my opinion". Of course it's your opinion - that should be assumed.

This is an exception to that habit, because it is squarely within common use of blogs to talk all about yourself. Endlessly. That's kinda their purpose. Originally I shied away from this - that is why it was a photoblog. I wanted to provide content - in the way of humor - not another "blog about what my cat did". I would continue with this philosophy even now were it not for two things. One, I would like your input on my thoughts. Part of my search strategy is to listen (really listen, as best I can) to other people. As I bring up topics, I would value your sincere input. Two, this dialog on purpose and experiences I am having will hopefully be informative to you. It is my hope that I can share all the tips I find on how to "live well" - and that some will be useful.

Living well involves a lot of things, foremost among them is living happy. Maybe we can learn to live happy together.

You have a drinking problem if...

2007-12-07T21:32:00.000-05:00

2007-12-05T09:40:00.000-05:00

"Oh noooo!"

In case of emergency...

2007-12-04T22:19:00.000-05:00

Hard knock half-life

2007-12-04T19:00:00.000-05:00

It's a rough neighborhood down the street from the lan gaming shop.

Poor planning...

2007-12-03T07:47:00.000-05:00

At the Ogo exit.

Christmas Tree Hunting

2007-12-01T18:41:00.000-05:00

On a cold winter day... We have hunted and gathered!

Drunk Truckers

2007-11-30T20:33:00.001-05:00

Crap, not again...

Puns

2007-11-29T14:34:00.001-05:00

Here is a great collection of puns I was forwarded. Let this be a lesson, if your content is good enough, I don't need my karma threatened to forward it on to people (unbelievably, telling me that god will love me if I forward an email to 9 friends is not a huge motivator). Without further ado.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
The bicycle couldn't stand alone; it was two tired.
It makes me realize that the things that make English difficult are the things that make it funny.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
He had a photographic memory which he never developed.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Irony?

2007-11-29T00:57:00.000-05:00

Every year Hess gas stations come out with a toy truck for the holidays. So many years it was a tanker truck of one vintage or the other. There was a space shuttle flatbed, a firetruck (as I remember), there was even a helicopter in more recent times.

So this year, as oil flirts with $100 a barrel, what did they decide to have as the truck this year? A tanker? A bus (as in "mass transit fights terrorism")? No, they wanted to make a stronger statement than that...

Is this some sort of insidious campaign to say "don't worry"? Kind of like "sure you get nosebleeds when you snort my coke, but they are good for you!". Are they mocking me? Are they saying "we can slap you in the face and you will still give us your money" ($30+ in this case)?

I don't think so. In my world, Hess is actually making a better statement than selling any model of a prototype hybrid tractor-trailer. Nay; they are rubbing our over-consuming, plastic-surgery-tailored American noses in the real problem. It doesn't take a cryptographer to read "drive useless big gas guzzlers, prices increase, you do the math" (that's top to bottom - the Japanese convention... who are one group of people laughing their way to the bank in their Prius).

Am I preaching? No - I get 26 MPG. But I am laughing at the irony.

The parking lot

2007-11-27T22:13:00.000-05:00

Things you will find in an Upstate Walmart parking lot.

Seagulls. Yes, the nearest ocean is 300 miles away.

Abandoned vehicles. I told you about this one... Note the flat tire and missing license plate. You don't even want to know what's in the trunk.

Texroad Asshouse

2007-11-26T18:52:00.000-05:00

Exhibit A:

If it doesn't say Texas, it's not Texas Roadhouse.

Exhibit B:

TEX ROADHOUSE

I rest my case.

Our local Texas Roadhouse has a bit of an issue with their neon sign - always have. Right after it opened (as I may already have mentioned) the problem became apparent. Each half of the sign was on a different circuit. This meant, that one side of the sign went from "TEXAS ROADHOUSE" to "TEX ROAD" and the other side became "AS HOUSE".

This was the source of endless amusement... and they have yet to get the kinks worked out. After many iterations, it is as the picture shows. Only, now I am aware that the malfunctioning sign has actually caused the restaurant to not exist - according to their own rules.

Half my shopping list! (take 2)

2007-11-26T18:32:00.000-05:00

Point me to the chicken and deep fryer sections. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Half my shopping list!

2007-11-22T15:49:00.000-05:00

Gibberish

I love technology, let's try again...

The tale of a barcode reader

2007-11-22T00:13:00.001-05:00

He never had a chance, having been written off at a younge age. His subsequent crime spree is a testament to the power of labelling.

In the gay bar

2007-11-20T23:02:00.000-05:00

This place is great...

Determinism

2007-11-20T02:21:00.000-05:00

Say hypothetically that you are an Atheist... you may think you have it kind of hard because you have to deal with not having an afterlife. Well, as this video explains (more succinctly than I ever could) there is something much stickier to deal with: Determinism.
It is discussed here under the heading of "free will", but the dilemma is the same regardless of the name. And as is pointed out (a new consideration for me) - this may be an issue to consider religion or no.
I do hope the StumbleUpon page loads correctly. Let me know if it doesn't. Don't know what StumbleUpon is? Well, download it... and you will truly know what it is like to have no free will. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hit the Stumble button again.

Umm...

2007-11-16T20:12:00.000-05:00

Perlick beer system.

Vending error

2007-11-16T17:12:00.000-05:00

I mean, really - who designed these new machines? Who tested the design? It bogles the mind.

Line at the 'video store'

2007-11-16T08:42:00.001-05:00

Yes, that is a dollar rental kiosk at the grocery store - neat in and of itself - funny when you add people. "It's about convenience!"

Putting Christ back in Xmas

2007-11-15T18:55:00.001-05:00

I'm sure it's commemorating the birth of the holy child. What's that? Jesus wasn't born in December? Then I guess this really is just twisted.

Yep - still here

2007-11-13T17:07:00.000-05:00