Odd Combinations

Drink cooler slash fire pit. Good idea on paper, but just weird in practice.

A Whole New World

This is the class home-ec should have had.

German Diner?

You know what pisses me off about the Nazis... well, other than genocide and global war... the way they ruined some things for us all. Take the swastika - a 3000 year old symbol of Dharmic religions... nobody can use it now without being looked at funny. Here's a few other things I'm ticked that they ruined:

• Tiny moustaches (It's about the only facial hair I could have grown)
• Indicating "he was about yay high" when talking about tall people
• Guys named Sam Smith getting their initials tattooed on their arm
• My faith in humanity
• Knee-high boots

One last thing they ruined: the ability to laugh about a lot of things. The war was so terrible and far reaching - the topic so serious - you can't make jokes about a lot of things. Now I'm a guy that likes to be lighthearted about damn near anything - so that pisses me off. We should take a stern look at history and consider re-writing it to cast the Nazis in less of a good light. Wait... scratch rewriting history - that would be silly...

Sinner's Hospital for Children?

A Freudian slip, or parapraxia, is an error in speech or memory that is believed to be caused by the unconscious mind. Some errors might appear to be trivial or bizarre, but may show some deeper meaning on analysis. Freudian slip is not limited to a slip of the tongue - it can extend to our word perception where we might read word incorrectly because of our fixations.

Sad Gift of the Year 2006

Nothing says "I didn't want to spend much money on you or really put thought into what you like" quite like giving lottery tickets for Christmas. Did I give you $5 worth of paper? Did I give you millions of dollars? Did I give you the OCD pleasure of scraping gold wax off with a nickel? When you receive one of these custom-made lottery gift envelopes you just don't know! Sure someone we know just won $45 million. But it isn't you. It will never be you. the lotto makes me shake my head as it is - but this? It is just sad. Can the holidays be any more exploited? Remember: "You can't lose continually if you don't play". Although it does give me an idea... If I could create scratch-off Sudoku, I would make a fortune!

Merry Christmas everybody!
(your lotto tickets are in the mail)

Holiday Values

Am I the only one disturbed by this? This gem was prominently displayed in an Eckerd's window.

Holiday Hawk

Jingle bells jingle bells hmm hmm hmm hmm

Ralph the Wonder Lobster

At three pounds, Ralph was the chosen one. None of the tank dwellers understood what this meant until it was too late!

Evolution

Millions of years of evolution - for what? We have clawed our way to dominate this planet using nothing but two crooked digits and a swollen frontal lobe. How far have we come? For all that struggle, we remain monkeys. Monkeys in neck ties and khakis staring at a glowing piece of glass for 8 hours a day. What's the difference between monkeys flailing a branch and playing golf? One of the branches costs $300 and is made of spun graphite. Just look at it this way:

• Software engineers = monkeys with good grammar


• Politicians = monkeys flinging poo


• News reporters = monkeys at desks (sans pants)


• War = monkeys with machine guns


• Bloggers = monkeys on soap boxes


• Fighter jets = flying monkeys

It's not easy to face - but it's true. Next time you are stuck in a traffic jam, or trapped in a meeting that has no purpose, or permanently losing the higher frequencies of your hearing at a bar - picture the people around you as they really are - little monkeys who assume they have changed in the past millennia (unless we are talking about those drunk frat boys - they don't bother putting up a front).

Pony in a Box

"Daddy, for Christmas I want a pony." How many times has this happened to you? Well, if you don't have children, hopefully not too often (time to sell the cargo van). Well for those who wish to "technically" fulfill your child's wildest dream - Hasbro brings you Butterscotch the techno-pony. Standing around 9 hands this robo-equine can hold up to 80 lbs on it's back! Don't worry about messy hay around the house - "Butters" runs on 6 D-cells. Comes with grooming brush, rubber carrot, and real sample of horse manure (to show little Kathy why she doesn't want a _real_ pony).

The box states "Really comes to life!" Now, is it just me, or would this thing sitting in the corner scare the hell out of you once the lights go out? For a mere $300 "pony motion", "pony sounds", and "pony friendship" can be yours! Have we learned nothing? Playing god starts with Butterscotch - and it ends with ED-209. Be warned.

BTW - what's up with JonBenét in the photoshoot?

Time Person of the Year!

For my outstanding contribution to the web community - I was chosen as Time magazine's person of the year!

It's true - I'm Time's person of the year... then again, I'm more accurately tied with millions of other people. The physical cover is pretty neat (see above) because in the screen they put a mylar mirror so you could see yourself. This did cause a bit of confusion since I picked up this edition first thing in the morning and wondered why they had chosen Don King - and more importantly, why was he white? After combing my hair I returned to reading the article.

It turns out that one of the most influential forces of 2006 was the realization of "Web 2.0" - perhaps the dumbest name ever for the groundswell of individuals that are creating content on the Internet. Video, audio, and of course blogs are bringing diverse perspectives outside of the standard, homogenized media channels. YouTube was singled out as a real driver of this movement in the magazine. The editor does briefly concede that there is more than a small percentage of "flaming cantaloupe" type videos to counter-balance those raw feeds from Baghdad.

So I head over to Time.com to download a picture of the cover (to share the news of my selection with you fine people)... I clicked through to the current edition and there was one of those annoying inter-page ads. Not just a basic one, oh no, a full-blown video add. But what's this? What does the blasphemous advertisement say?

Que footage of the Chrysler weaving through the streets of a city - and then:

...but you can drive like you are.

Heyyy - but I _am_ person of the year. Wait, does this mean I should be driving a Sebring. (sigh) Here I am slaving away at the keyboard to become someone - I finally succeed, and I find out I still have to keep up with the Joneses. I guess I can't truly join the ranks of Ted Turner, Bill Clinton, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Bill Gates until I own a Sebring like they do. Who knew the _other_ Pope-mobile was made in the U.S. (Pope John Paul II - selected 1994)? Well, if I bought the car as they suggest I know I would have something in common with at least one other selectee - 1928's "Man of the Year" Walter Chrysler (the title wasn't made P.C. until 1999).

I relish the heightened irony of this commercial obviously being custom placed before this article on Time's own website. It's ads like this that make my job as a sarcastic smart-ass easy :)

Redneck Bar B Que

While this place is called "Redneck", the sign graphics promised a tidy themed restaurant. That's exactly what we found inside - a fresh, well decorated experience. The food was delicious (though I was ready to eat my napkin by the time it made it out)...

I did get a bit cold though and went to my car - it is then that I noticed that there were two single-wide trailer homes adjacent to the parking lot. Deducing from the surrounding area, I presume the proprietors of Rednecks lived there. That, or they were purchased for ambiance. You can just make out one of the trailers in the picture.

While I maintain that this is amusing, some may criticize my disdain for trailer homes. Allow to me to expound on my feelings. I believe in the need for affordable houses - so anyone can have a home that is their own. What I disagree on is the need for such houses to be made of paper mache.

To be fair, I took a break in writing this to research "manufactured homes". They were re-named because when's the last time you heard of someone putting the wheels back on and relocating one of these? So having read some, I can see why these are appealing - the average single-wide is 1,000 square feet and costs around $24,000 _new_. This means you can buy a two bedroom home for about he cost of a new car. And from experience, it is easier to live in just about anything than your car.

I tried to look up a cheaper, better solution - geodesic/monolithic domes - concrete - cinderblock - anything. The best you get is a superior home for about the cost of an average stick-built home (if note a shade _more_ expensive). But look at the manufactured home technology - the whole thing is built (almost mass-produced) indoors on an assembly line. The efficiencies of process and scale are mind-boggling compared to building something on-site. If you could build it a bit sturdier perhaps - but alas, it isn't cheap to ship concrete walls.

So, frustratingly, I don't have a better answer to affordable housing - but I still can identify the downside to manufactured homes... I get most of these from my mother because as an infant I lived in one for a while evidently.

• How do you make a trailer sound like a dog? Ever seen a house on fire? Now picture that structure made lighter, with more plastic, with a really good draft under it.
• Mobile homes - while lighter - do not float in a flood. I have seen this first hand.
• Speaking of natural disasters - trailers seem to be magnets for the wrath of god. This is probably not because they are statistically more likely to get hit by something - it's just that they are more likely to blow away. (Though in the name of science we should do a study on sinner percentages in manufactured vs. standard homes before drawing conclusions)

Beware!

Global Warming

Note the destinct lack of snow in the background. The average high temperature for our area over the past 30 years is 37 degrees. The highest temperature in the nation today is 85 in Kahului, Hawaii. WTF on the weather? Geologic time-scale fluctuations, or "Global Warming"? What's the funny part? IDK - maybe shorts in the middle of December. Maybe it is that I mowed my lawn Friday in short sleeves and was sweating...

No Pulse

Man with no pulse considered a medical breakthrough -
A 65-year-old Quebec man who received a new long-term mechanical heart last month is being described as the only living Canadian without a pulse. Dr. Renzo Cecere implanted the “Heartmate II” mechanical heart into Gerard Langevin in a three-hour operation Nov. 23. Officials at the McGill University Health Centre say the device, which is about the size of a flashlight battery, could last up to 10 years. That is longer than other models which are thought to be good for only two or three years. The new mechanical heart, which is powered by batteries located in pouches on Mr. Langevin's body, provides a continuous flow of blood so the patient has no pulse. (The Globe and Mail www.theglobeandmail.com 12/11/07)

• Doctors warn heavy sleepers that are receiving the new devices to be careful about falling asleep in public. This is after two gentleman fell asleep - on the subway and the other on a park bench - and woke up in the morgue.
• One recommended solution is to tattoo "I'm not dead" on the left side of your chest.
• This also shows how technology effects culture as the phrase "be-still my beating heart" gives way to "disconnect the batteries to my non-beating heart" in valentines cards.
• Shall we consider the article's title for a moment - medicine has been producing patients with no pulse for hundreds of years but we never considered it reason to celebrate.
• So do you think there is _any_ chance of this guy being able to make it through airport security?

Ransom

to wHoM iT MaY ConCErn, i HAvE ThIs gUy IN mY BAseMent. if yOu EvEr WAnt Him tO sEe dAyLIgHt AgaIn, LeAvE 4 cASes oF uNmaRKed, nOn-SEqUEntIaL cOoKieS BeHiNd tHe QuIcKMaRt gAS sTaTIOn bY THe aIr HoSe. mAKe IT a nIcE BLenD Of bOrDeaUX, MILanO, aNd gEnEvA. trY AnYthIng fUNny anD HE gETs DeFlaTed.

Tips for Tractor Boy

While warming up my toes from cutting the Christmas tree last weekend, I noticed an odd collection tin sitting on the table... "tips for tractor boy"? Now, I thought it was funny wording (thus it made it here) but I have to admit, I knew exactly what it was saying.

I don't think there is a more succinct way of saying "tips for the young guy that picked you up in the trailer out in the field and fork-lifted your tree back". All I'm saying is that it could be taken the wrong way... such as "a collection to help pay for long-term care for the local kid that got into an industrial accident and now can't wipe his own nose". Or possibly "tips to help us save enough money to buy our son back from indentured service to the sideshow". Man I wish I had enough time and talent to whip up a classic circus poster spotlighting "Tractor Boy" - sidelined by "Combine Kid".

Holy sighting

I came to the bar looking for a drink and ended up finding Jesus. Turns out our savior is more a "water to beer" kinda dude.

WiMax and Radar

The wireless industry views WiMax as the next big thing, a technology with great promise to deliver broadband to homes and offices less expensively than wired connections. But proliferation of the new commercial long-range wireless systems could cause problems for Defense Department radar systems, which operate in the same frequency bands, top DOD officials said at the ACEA DOD Spectrum Summit Dec. 6. White House and National Telecommunications and Information Administration (NTIA) officials said commercial wireless systems present opportunities and challenges for DOD, adding that the United States needs to find ways to share frequencies. (Federal Computer Week www.fcw.com 12/07/06)

So what's this mean for the military? Here's my take:

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe:

The left handed strike!

Pink Razor Phone

So I fired up Google image search to find a picture of a Razor phone... "why" is a discussion for another day... being very technologically savy and experienced in the internet environment, I craft a precise query phase - "razor phone". I hit search and 0.05 seconds later (yes it tells you) I get these results.

Now let me say that Google's algorithms are amazing (only slightly less so when you put it in context of how many PhD's they employ) but it has it's weak moments. Please refer to the "pink razor phone" in the bottor right corner.

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!

Good Proportions

Bad Proportions

Um, buddy - I think you lost the whole "my Hummer makes me masculine" vibe. You could have saved face and hidden that in the glove compartment...

Paying My Water Bill

RULES OF DECORUM WILL BE OBSERVED IN THIS FACILITY

My first thought was... well to be frank, it was "what an odd sign". Then I wondered "what kind of decorum"? Military decorum? I thought that was silly until I noticed even Santa was saluting... And look, he has the rules right there in his hand! Anyone that points out he is using the wrong hand to salute with gets coal.

To look at it more critically, the sign doesn't really say that you have to behave. It doesn't say "you will display decorum" - merely that it will be observed. Perhaps the service personel are the ones that will display it for you. That would seem true if they interpreted "decorum" as "icy cold reception and detachment". Perhaps they hire thespians to come in on Wednesdays and put on a show of decorum. I was there on Tuesday.

And remember what Santa says kids:

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

Deer Collisions

Each year, there are more than 1.5 million crashes involving deer, causing an estimated $1.1 billion in vehicle damages, 150 lives lost, and more than 10,000 injuries.

A report called "Methods to Reduce Traffic Crashes Involving Deer: What Works and What Does Not," commissioned by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) has shown that there are few viable solutions to reducing deer-car collisions. That's why news of a breakthrough technology to help drivers avoid deer - even after sunset (the most dangerous time) - is making news. The advance took the merging of several scientific disciplines and is the result of a partnership between 3M, Dupont, and GENCOR.

They call it "LumaDeer©". By combining OLED and photovoltaic technology with genetic material from bioluminescent squid and white-tail deer, scientists have produced a small number of glowing deer. Genetically altered herds are being released to breed with wild populations and spread the genes.

Thomas Howser of 3M says "the modification of the deer increases safety, reduces insurance costs, and actually helps the animals". He points to the deer's new ability to forage well past dusk, increasing avalable food sources. Howser does note that the herds are "more vulnerable during hunting season". Legislation is being planned to limit sportsmen to hunting during daylight hours.

Mandarin Oranges

I am fascinated with processing / manufacturing lines. I enjoy playing a game of "how did they make this" - but one thing that has always mystified me has been canned mandarin oranges. The wedges are so fragile - and they are _peeled_. Not just the skin - but the little membrane around each wedge. My leading theory was a sweatshop full of children (small fingers). Well - hold on to your pants: I finally have an answer (and it will surprise you)!

It turns out according to this answer site that the "solution" is very base-ic...

...mandarins are first scalded (in hot water) to loosen the peel, then they are soaked in a lye solution, which digests away the albedo and membranes. Then the sections are washed in several rinses of plain water to clean them up.

Fascinating, yet disturbing... talk about a chemical peel! How plausible is this? Well it is the best explaination I've heard - and the poster on AnswerBag doesn't seem the type to lye.

Dating with Style Tip #47

I have friends that are "on the dating scene" and I feel for them. From what I can tell, guys like the one that put out this ad are in seriously short supply. If you are looking for someone - be patient, they are out there. If you are trying to sell yourself - take notes from this 28 yo SWM from Tampa...

I just got a chuckle after previewing this post... the ad is so big that it is readable even in the thumbnail. This guy is good.

Be the Right Person and You Will End Up in My Heart
Do the wrong thing, and you'll end up on my blog. "Indoorsy" MWM seeks readership with exquisitely refined appreciation of humor. Likes long ramblings about the mundane, and battle-dancing. Right fit must understand sarcasm. Literacy optional (there are pictures). Contact at http://frostymoments.blogspot.com/

I Am Not a Monster...

... I am a man! But I had to share this cartoon from the archives of CTRL+ALT+DEL. It is a gamer / geek cartoon of quality. I won't tell you how long I spent one night reading their cartoons from #1 on... all of them. Why am I so pasty white again? Hmmm - you know, I never thought about how that aspect of me ties into my nickname...

Dealing with the Verbose

You may have noticed that I'm getting more long-winded every day. To accomodate this I put in a "teaser" feature. It is easiest to see in action, so if you would be so kind as to click on the "full post" link to the right... it will take you to the dedicated post page where you can read the rest of my ramblings.

Not earth-shattering, but nifty enough. Do keep in mind that the best part of the post might be in the "full post" section - including the picture - so it is worth checking out. Now, off I go to chop down some of the recent looooong posts. Remember, if there is anything that would make this website more user-friendly for you, let me know!

Oh, and if anyone really cares, this was done via a modification of the method presented by Ramani on the Hackosphere blog. Let me tell you, it was not an easy process on the whole, but it may never have happened without the tutorial found there.

A Cat Named "Bell"

The ASPCA does not approve of using household pets - no matter how lazy - as doorbells for your office. Yes, we know they are effective and attractive additions to your entry-way... but feline doorbell devices and careless door slamming lead to 75 blindings per year!

Apocalyptic Weather

The weather reports warned of an end-times deluge today. Schools were closed. People that live by creeks put on their rubber waders. Sure, low-lying areas can now be used for shrimp farming, but look at the sky we were treated to afterwords! The low clouds were scuttling by quickly playing peek-a-boo with the blues and pinks of the magic-hour sky.

Did you notice...

... that there is a search box at the top-left of the page? I didn't until I installed code from Purple Moggy and wrote 3/4 of a post out of excitement. So much for increased sleep leading to situational awareness... Incidentally I got on the search kick because I couldn't remember if I had shared the kumquat picture. Now you can all play a new game where you guess how many posts contain a word. Like "hernia". Oh the hours of family fun!

Hungry and Desperate

There are times that you will be hungry. There are times you will be desperate. But have you ever been hungry and desperate? Lucky for you, I have assembled several examples to examine. You might have been hungry and desperate if you ever...

• ...cooked a frozen pizza using an iron.
• Double desperate points if it was a travel iron.
• ...sustained yourself on Ramen Noodles and multivitamins.
• Double desperate points if the only reason you had the vitamins was because your mom gave them to you.
• Triple desperate points if you "cooked" the Ramen by letting it sit in the back window of your car until lunch.
• ...ate a pizza that was more than 7 days old.
• Double hunger points if it was at room temperature the whole time.
• Triple hunger points if it was stored in the top of your closet the whole time.

Please note, if you have ever cooked a substancial food item by wrapping it in foil and placing it on your engine block, you have too much time on your hands and are neither hungry nor desperate. Unless you are MacGyver. On second thought, if the food item is a stray dog, you may qualify.

On a serious note (cough) I want to share my solution to world hunger. Ramen Vending Machines. You've seen the machines that produce piping hot coffee fresh on demand. Picture that, but producing a steaming, hearty meal of delicious, low sodium, low fat Ramen Noodles!

Look - you, me, or anyone can buy a package of Ramen for about ten cents ($2 Canadian, 10^-4 cents Pounds Sterling). Think of how cheap it would be when buying by the truck-load for a world-wide network of vending machines. Now you can afford to have a soup kitchen on every corner! Picture the bright future - you could flip a quarter to a beggar on a cold winter's night, tell him to "get something to eat" and not feel at all guilty!

Technology Gone Too Far

Hopefully today's jumbo - grade AA - double picture post will pardon me for missing yesterday. See, the "deer incident" happened yesterday morning and I was eager to share it with everyone (by everyone I mean the one person that actually reads all these - yeah, you know who you are). To make a long story short (since you will require a long lunch to read my real post - go ahead, print it out and take it to the restroom with you)... I couldn't send the pix message anywhere. I tried multiple times to multiple places.

I got it going today obviously - the solution? Rebooting my phone. Let me repeat that. I had to power cycle my _phone_ for the software to work. Isn't this some sort of sign that our society has gone astray? Playing god with genetics is one thing - but when you have to reboot a telephone, you should stop and re-evaluate your grip on reality.

I warn you, this trend will continue. Mark my words - the day will come that your car won't start. You'll call OnStar and they'll instruct you to hit the "reset" button...

Wild America

You know, I was worried that when I moved out of the rural countryside I would lose all the wildlife that tended to wander around the yard. I no longer have this fear because in all the years we lived "in the country" we never had this happen:

That is our livingroom window, and _that_ is a 6 point buck. I wish the picture was better, but I had to zoom so as not to spook him, seeing as how HE WAS STARING IN MY WINDOW! He munched on the bush and then moseyed across the front yard.

There is quite a collection of animals around - like the contingent of squirrels that have a man posted outside every morning when I walk to the car. There is also a resident chipmunk that dwells in a stump and seems convinced that I am squating on his property. At any given time you can hear someone scampering through the leaves on the ground - causing the official theme song for our front yard to be that rap hit: Every Day I'm Ruslin'.

Case in point: I'm looking out my 2nd story bedroom window one morning, partaking for a moment in the wonder of dawn (well, pre-noon anyway) when I spy one of the afore-mentioned squirrels poking about in the lawn just by the porch. All of the sudden he explodes into motion, tripping over his own tail while scrambling into the bushes. I swear I could see his eyes bug out and heard a tiny "Oh, shit!"... Just as I'm trying to process the cause of such sudden panic, the answer arrives in the form of a hawk gliding by. This bird with a wing-span of three feet passes _below_ eye level right in front of the house - appearantly dead reckoning off the sidewalk. (whoosh). I am dumbfounded at this and experience one of those "point with your mouth open and look around to see if anyone else just saw that" moments.

In conclusion, if you are ever hiking up my driveway and hear something coming at you through the forest, relax - it's probably one of our harmless managerie screwin' with you. Like a gaggle of 19 turkeys.

Or it could be a rabid bear like the one that carried off the neighbor's kid. What - I'm joking... he wasn't rabid.

A Web Hosting Tale

So there I was, shopping for web hosting (as I'm sure you have done hundreds of times). I come across ImHosted... they seem like a quality company, and their plans look competitive. Oh, they even have a control panel so you can micro-manage the minutia of your site.

The amazing online site management tool which allows you to master your online web space and makes the technical aspects of running your site simple and seamless.

Well, that sounds like the cat's meow - and what's this? There is a button to "Test drive now!"... oh, well I must press the button... hmmm.

I thought about hosting with them anyway... but thankfully my buddy the internet showed me abysmal user reviews. Thanks buddy internet!

As a postlude to my tale - I chose Lunarpages as a shared host. Their ratings are unlike anything I've seen - and so far the experience and value has been stellar. Alright, I'll stop singing their praises - I'm just happy to have a hosting experience go smoothly.

Black Pearls

Small, medium, or large. What's your preference? I hope they are low sodium, because I hate it when I get salty... errr. Hey, you think I'm a perv, do you see what the logo is?

Faux Turkey

A Delicious Vegetarian Feast
Feast Includes a Tender, Juicy Stuffed Tofu Roast, 8 Delicious Cranberry-Apple, Potato Dumplings, Rich Tofurky "Giblet" & Mushroom Gravy, and Our Signature Tofurky Jurky Wishstix

Several things come to mind - foremost being, WTF are Tofurky Jurky Wishstix? Also, the massive vinyl sign is the latest evidence that this store's sign department has too much time on their hands (yes, I know for a fact that they have a multi-person sign _department_). Who exactly is the target market again? People who really want to eat animals, but feel the superficial obligation to avoid killing? Or is it people that aren't comfortable with themselves and their convictions, and want to keep up appearances for others? Way to compromise (yourself).

I'm not really picking on anyone (vegan or otherwise) - it's just that this is damn funny. It speaks to some greater irony in society. And let's not lose sight of the important thing - it costs $17.99! Better yet, make that $22.99 per pound ;)

Tofurkey - when only the best vegetable-mass, simulated pseudo-meat giblets will do!

The commercial cuts to a gaggle of kids around the table in uncomfortable sweaters - "Hey mom, more Tofurkey please!" (big smiles and clean plates held high) "Shut up kids, do you know how much this crap costs!? Go mash some garden burgers up into the shape of a bird."

Or should the tag-line be "Surprise, it's protein!" ? Either way I wish you - carnivore and vegan alike - a Happy Thanksgiving!

Professional Arsonist

Oddly, another picture taken in the dark. My question is - what does the gentleman who drives this truck exactly do for the county? He's obviously professional, I wonder what his business card says...

• Jack Flash, Fire Coordinator
• We bring good things alight.
• Lots of things to destroy but don't have time to burn - let us help!
• Insurance Specialist.

I wonder if there is any significance to the fact that this was parked in front of the aforementioned meat market.

At Night

Keeping with tradition, this is a real picture taken by me. I whipped out my phone this afternoon to enlighten you all with whatever picture struck my fancy - and had not one, but _three_ photos like this. Now either I was sleep-clicking or I hit the buttons on my camera just right while it was in the holster.

Having to do a double take (get it - double take) on my own photos amused me, and so it made today's entry. I was thinking though... what else could you do with these photos? Some ideas:

• Create a series of postcards like "Bainbridge at Night"
• Frame all three separate pitch black photos, hang them in a pretentious gallery. Individually name them: Autumn, Fall, Summer
• Convince your friends that it is one of those 3D pictures - time how long they stare at it cross-eyed.
• Same as above, but take a picture of your friends and post it on a blog (then you have a truly funny entry)

Expanding My Repertoire

I sat down to write this post to merely say that I was thinking of adding funny experience stories as acceptable entries. This doesn't sound like a great leap... but this was started as a photo blog, and the main reason I am expanding is out of fear that since I am trying to be very regular in my posting (weekends are still up for debate) I am worried I will run out of pictures.

I thought it was amusing (can you tell from my grocery store fascination that I am easily amused?) that I had no funny story to share and that this would be a purely informational message. (Actually, I do have a story that involves a beer bottle and a hard-headed individual, but that was more amazing that funny... especially when you learn how tricky glass is to clean up)

BUT... the world is a funny place and always provides humor if you are willing to laugh. So when I started to write this post, I blanked on the spelling of "repertoire"... I deserve some leeway since it isn't my first language and because I spell by rule - which is good in some ways, but sometimes causes problems. So after having no luck on M-W.com I turned to my buddy Google. And voila, I had a funny post. Complete with picture. I'm thinking screen shots will be making more of an appearance from now on. ;)

Product Placement 2

How did aisles 7a and 7b come to be together?

We Specialize

I'll Stop Complaining

I wanted to say that I love this new version of the blog. There are so many little things that improve the usability - like the menu at right: isn't that better? Also, when I send pixmessages to it, it automatically makes my pictures clickable. Enjoy the full-size image goodness!

Golden Anniversary

Honored as the best tasting American lager at the 1987 Great American Beer Festival.

... and it has been sitting on this grocery shelf at room temperature ever since.

Switch to Beta

If things start to look different, it's because I just switched to the Beta upgrade to the blog (they finally promised mobile posting capabilities). On a different note, it listed my number of posts. Prior to this message I had 69 posts ;) (divinely inspired or juvenile - you decide)

Prada Glasses

This gem of advertising was in the mall. I have come to the realization that I am not their target market. Perhaps if they added a tagline to clarify their ad's message:

• Prada - "Pissed" is the new "Happy".
• 9 out of 10 Brides of Frankenstein prefer Prada glasses.
• If they can't see your bloodshot eyes they'll never know you are hung over.
• Cool enough to race motorcycles. Too cool for a helmet.
• We make your head look smaller.
• Prada GhostShades: for the balding albino woman in you.

Louisiana Supreme

Louisiana - world famous for their Asian cuisine. By the way, what is up with that mug?

Bathroom Wisdom 3

God loves you - John 3:16

I know, I know - I was too lazy to rotate the picture and re-upload it. That faint text above the tile may prove that it is god, not Burton Snowboards that loves you more. Moses brought the word of our lord down on stone tablets, so it is nice to see someone continuing the noble tradition of spreading the message. Personally, I would have chosen a more targeted inspiration, such as:

God provides relief for the burdened.

De-Bugged

I just cleaned up some repeat items and whatnot - it seems the pix-message gateway was choked up or some-such. Several of my aborted attempts at sending a post came through at the same time. (shrug) We'll see how long it lasts...

Fun With Natural Gas

Have a gas stove? You should pop the hood and see how loosely put together the connections are. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should probably clean under there anyway. I won't tell you not to try this at home because these are totally Photoshopped... (cough cough)

Oh, by the way, it's 12/3/2006 and I thought you might like an update on what I learned from this experience...

Namely, 4 is at least twice as good as 2! Now for some physics theory. Theoretically natural gas is lighter than air, so you could probably use these spouts to fill a milk jug with gas. Theoretically I bet you could quickly hold the jug under a match, turn out the lights, and squeeze the jug. One could imagine how this would create a giant fireball. One could also hypothesize that a simple camera phone might have difficulty capturing a fireball in pitch black. For more details, please visit this web-site..

iWorld

As you may be able to tell by the security tag across the picture, this is a real product. Cool or totally stupid? Hmmm... never have I felt like I was out of a world movement quite like not having an i-Pod. Actually, to be technical I do have one here. And BTW, it works - I checked ;)