Official Rules to the Mongoose Bar Game

You are at a bar with friends and up for a bit of competitive sport - the solution: Mongoose! Mongoose is like tennis, hockey, and paper football got drunk and were hit with a honey-I-shrunk-the-kids ray. As co-inventor of the game along with my compatriot Tavi, this is the home for the official rules.

Goal: Mongoose is a game where a Puck is Volleyed between players using a Striker. Winning the game involves accumulating points by moving the opponent's Goalpost or "Hanging" a quarter. Games are played to either 6 or 11 points.

Equipment:

• 2x One dollar bills
• 5x Quarters
• A salt and a pepper shaker
• A table you can sit across from each other at (no size regulation)

Equipment can come from anywhere, but each opponent provides one of the dollar bills.

Starting the game:

• Players agree on the length of game to be played (6 or 11 points).
• On the count of 3, players spin a quarter on the table. The player whose quarter comes to rest on the table last gets the first serve.
• If your quarter goes off the table, that counts as "coming to rest"
• The quarters are allowed to collide with each other and other objects
• Once the opening server is determined, players set up the field.

Setup: Here is a diagram of the field setup.

• Each player places two quarters heads-up as "Goalposts" on their edge of the table
• The Goalposts are positioned using the corners of a dollar placed flush with the edge of the table
• The dollars are then placed in a line at the center of the table between the players
• Each player takes a salt / pepper shaker to use as a Striker
• The remaining quarter is the Puck and is placed on the table tails-up

Serving:

• Serving is performed by placing the Puck on your side of the table, announcing the score (e.g. "Two serving Three") and striking the Puck with your Striker
• Once the Puck crosses into the other player's side, it is a fair serve
• You can score points immediately from the serve

Volleying:

• Each Volley begins with the appropriate player Serving
• When the Puck is on your side of the table or in the "No Man's Land" between dollars, you can hit it with the striker as many times as you want to get it back onto the other player's side
• Players use their striker to shoot the Puck at the opponent's Goalposts, or to Hang the puck over the opponent's edge
• The Volley continues until a point is scored, the puck goes off the table, or the Puck goes "In the Rough" (see below)
• Once the goalposts are measured (as needed) and the field is reset, a new Volley is started
• Note: you can only strike the Puck with the Striker, you cannot "slide" it - or move the Puck with anything else. Except telekinesis. If you can do that, more power to you.

Scoring points:

• If your Goalpost (quarters) move for any reason, the other player gets one point - for each goal post that moved
• If a quarter comes to rest hanging over your edge of the table (it is "Hanging"), the other player getsfive points - for each quarter that is Hanging
• At any time either player can request that a dollar bill be used to measure if your goal posts moved
• First player to score the agreed points (6 or 11) shouts out "Mongoose!", wins the game, and keeps both dollars on the field

Scoring Examples:

• If the puck hits your Goalpost and moves it, the other player gets one point
• If you accidentally hit your Goalpost with your striker and move it, the other player gets one point
• If the puck comes to rest over your edge of the table, the other player gets five points
• If one of your Goalpost is struck and ends up hanging over the edge of the table, the other player gets six points (one for the goal post moving, and five for it hanging over the edge)
• The other player does not get points for hitting your Goalpost directly with their striker (this is a foul - see Fouls below)

Going off the edge:

• When the puck goes off the edge, the player who touched it last is at fault
• The opponent of the player at fault starts play again by serving

Going into the rough:

• If the puck stops under or on the dollars at all, it is "In the Rough"
• The player who touched the puck last is at fault
• The opponent of the player at fault starts play again by serving

Foul:

• You are allowed to move your Striker within No Man's Land and strike the puck
• If your Striker crosses the far side of No Man's Land into the other player's side, you commit a Foul
• When you commit a Foul, your opponent gets to take a Penalty shot - which is a single serve that you can block, but do not return as a Volley
• Whether or not the Penalty shot results in points, the Serve is returned to the player that took the Penalty shot, and they start a new Volley

Playing the Winner:

• The Winner of a game remains at the table after each game as the incumbent player (unless they turn over the table)
• The loser of the game relinquishes their spot to the next player for the new game
• You indicate your desire to play the Winner of the current game by placing your dollar on the sidelines and declaring your intent between a Volley

Moved to GardnerSpeaking.com

While my dusty witticisms are shall we say 'nostalgic', I couldn't bear to let them die a total death. New plan: all frostymoments posts are archived at gardnerspeaking, where I will be creating new content including details on my public speaking and the like.

Bullet points:

* Stop reading here
* Go to Gardner Speaking
* This blog will not be deleted for fear of losing my photos
* "Welcome to GardnerSpeaking, I love you."

Fall Craziness

This Just in: Giant Radioactive Spiders Attack Owego



Yesterday was a lovely fall day to have some classic fall fun. This called for a trip to Iron Kettle Farm - our local purveyor of all things orange and pumpkin-ey. We hit the gas going through Owego as to avoid getting cocooned in our car by massive purple arachnids. This should have brought back memories from last year's trip to Iron Kettle.



In addition to delicious pies, waffle fries, and kettle corn - there were the requisite piles-o-pumpkins. In the picture you can actually see a small child lost among the gourds asking for assistance in finding her family.

Among our purchases were several ears of popcorn - as in "on-the-cob" popcorn. Details may follow when said vegetable is prepared in the Native American tradition - via my microwave.



Among the adventures to be had at the farm - this was the highlight. Being a biker, I looked forward to showing my prowess on these recumbent, single-speed pedal carts. The extreme action shot above captures the spirit of the chase. My own top speed was limited by splaying my legs to avoid the steering wheel, but what was lacking in speed was made up for in paint-swapping. People were sent into the hay bales, knees were bashed, and the faint smell of rubber wafted off scrubbed wheels.

Ultimately, victory was mine as I e-braked my way to the pit - though some site "a little girl hogging the road" as their reason for not taking first. That's just lack of dedication - when it comes to any teenie bopper in my way the story ends with me putting them into the wall.



What better way is there to draw to a close a beautiful Fall day than with a lingering sunset punctuated with a rising planet? A side perk of Winter is that the view from the house just gets better and better.

Hi. We're in Newark Valley.

It's not every day you find yourself at a gas station in Newark Valley asking directions to a tourist destination - but that day (err... night) came yesterday. The occasion was our adventure to "the MAiZE" - a labyrinth-meets-art grown into a corn field over the course of the year.

You can catch this wonder until Nov. 1st - and the only way to do it is at night. We wandered around in the dark and cold (note - you can see my breath) for about an hour. I don't know why stumbling around in circles by the light of stars is fun... but it is. And I pay for the privilege. Maybe it's for the snacks.

Perhaps I'll go back to see the "corn cannon" - something from the cartoon that looks like a serious engineering attempt at turning compressed air and a corn cob into siege machinery.

Now if you'll excuse me, my mulled cider is ready ;)

Last night I realized how much fun Game Nights are. No, not watching a national sport - I mean getting together with friends and playing some classic board games. Throw together people, lots of time, snack food and Apples to Apples and you have an evening of good fun and laughter...

Of course you can also throw together a blowtorch, compressed argon, and gasoline to make A REAL FREAKING FLAMETHROWER!

Our subdued game of Taboo was interrupted when the host "wanted to show us something". We fogged up the window in anticipation only to see him SHOOT FLAMES 40 FEET! Giddy like a school girl that found out Miley Cyrus moved in next door I ran out to be closer to the demonic powers issuing from his home-brewed backpack.

As it turns out, a flamethrower is useful for many things - lighting camp fires, removing leaves from the lawn, and lighting tiki torches. After I stopped hyperventilating I was able to request to pull the trigger myself. I laid a stream of Greek Fire on a tiki torch from 20 feet away that plastered the whole metal torch with lingering flame.

Best. Game. Night. Ever.

Joe the Plumber

Are _you_ the real Joe? Then tell the world! Get your own "I am Joe the Plumber" t-shirt and let everyone know that you are up on current events - just like the presidential candidates! I have a fine selection of items in the store, so take a peek ;)

In case you couldn't tell - today's adventure was watching the last presidential debate. I was totally saturated with fresh cider, having played the "Joe the Plumber drinking game". Drinking on every mention of "Joe the Plumber" would have been bad enough, but there were the advanced rules of "one drink when McCain blinks out S.O.S." and "one drink when Obama smiles as McCain speaks" or "two drinks if he outright laughs".

My second adventure was getting into online merchandising. The fact is I have often lamented not following through on my ideas for humorous shirts and paraphernalia. Such ideas include a small bumpersticker for my bike that says "nice prius." No more will my ideas fad into the fog of history. No more will timely pop culture jokes be left to wither on the vine!

I was so moved by the debates, not only did I set up a CafePress store for frosty moments, but I made sure that everyone will be able to find via joetheplumber.tv!

Is this really a reward?

If I had enemies, I might inflict $500 worth of McDonald's food on them. Found on the web making ad dollars for Woot, an interesting "deal a day" site known for creating the "Woot-Off"...

Beer fest... I thought I wasn't drinking!

Go Yankees!

I have cracker jacks!

At the fabric store

Why thank you grandma - it's just what we wanted.

Boardwalk

Ocean City

Architecture Lesson

What? I'm sure it's original.

I missed my calling

As a delivery guy...

Pushing the Limit

Setting records. I didn't know I had a fifteen gallon tank! It was also a matter of faith that I could exceed 400 miles on a tank...

Interestingly the car computer says I'm creeping up to 26.4 MPG (up 2/10ths). I wonder if it is my super-mild hyper-miling practice of using neutral to unload the engine when going downhill / at a light. Or perhaps it's because I'm not weighing the car down on the return trip home ;)

On a side note, there is debate over potentially mandating cars to have a real-time MPG display (basic car comp like mine or a spiffy fuel consumption display like the Prius). I'm currently of the opinion that it is a very low cost implementation that can only help. About the only argument is one of safety - but if you are paying attention to the MPG readout you are most likely to be going slower (because it's more efficient).

And no, I can't believe I linked to About.com either.

Why I Bike Two

Ice cream social - and the pedestrian I asked about it gave me a free ticket!

Chinese

I need a bike rack.

* Editor's note - the above post was captured, composed and uploaded all while riding (with a bag of Chinese food effecting my steering with surprising efficiency) - yeah, I want danger kudos. Hey, some people's danger threshold is different than others.

A nuclear clock

That is off by an hour... I mean _exactly_ an hour. To the second. And if for some reason you adjust it using your puny human levels of accuracy, it will reset to "current time -1" within the hour.

I spent my time waiting for my order of food explaining to a family member of the owner why exactly I was taking a picture - and where I was sending it to.

Billy is selling something new

Would you buy health insurance from this man?

Yes my friends, that's right - Billy Mays is selling life insurance. He actually beat SNL to the punch on a skit... I would claim to be at a loss as to how much lower he could go, but I hear the Vatican is in talks with his agent over slumping membership numbers.

Billy Mays here - have you washed and washed, but still can't get that original sin out... well I'm here to tell you about an amazing product called Catholicism!

Wacky Chad dot Com

RE: my discussion below here is self-proclamed Wacky Chad in full action. Yes, those are three flaming torches he is juggling. Yes, he is mounted on a seven foot tall unicycle. No, I didn't know they existed either. His previous unicycle was only five feet tall... how mundane.

I debated making you type in his URL if you were curious - or perhaps scroll down a few virtual inches - but far be it from me to expose your wrists or mouse wheel finger to repetitive stress injuries just because I was too lazy to throw in some markup...

Why I Bike

Random guys on super pogo sticks...

Actually, that is a Flybar 800 - with 800 lbs of lift in it's elastic - that's four feet of vertical for you average weight people... It's no Flybar 1200, but this is Wacky Chad one hop away from doing a backflip - with his pogo stick. Yeah, you heard me. For the unimaginative ones in the audience, flip your monitor over to get the idea.

The story is this - I'm riding my usual route home from work, and I decide to try and find a less hectic route through Endicott than Main Street. This was a novel idea to me because I was afflicted with driver's syndrome (the inability to go anywhere except by the fastest route, regardless of distance and scenery). I'm getting cured of that. Next thing you know I'll be swapping my handlebars and riding upright like some sort of Dutchman. But I digress.

And so I did digress from my normal route - cutting up a street before Washington, looking for a residential pace instead of drag-racing cars in a 40 MPH zone. No sooner do I turn but there is a crowd of children in front of the library. You can recognize "street performers" in under a second flat so I pulled up to give a gander. What I found was a summer's evening treat of entertainment! All because I was biking along.