Drunk Truckers

Crap, not again...

Puns

Here is a great collection of puns I was forwarded. Let this be a lesson, if your content is good enough, I don't need my karma threatened to forward it on to people (unbelievably, telling me that god will love me if I forward an email to 9 friends is not a huge motivator). Without further ado.

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• The bicycle couldn't stand alone; it was two tired.
• It makes me realize that the things that make English difficult are the things that make it funny.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• He had a photographic memory which he never developed.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Irony?

Every year Hess gas stations come out with a toy truck for the holidays. So many years it was a tanker truck of one vintage or the other. There was a space shuttle flatbed, a firetruck (as I remember), there was even a helicopter in more recent times.

So this year, as oil flirts with $100 a barrel, what did they decide to have as the truck this year? A tanker? A bus (as in "mass transit fights terrorism")? No, they wanted to make a stronger statement than that...

Is this some sort of insidious campaign to say "don't worry"? Kind of like "sure you get nosebleeds when you snort my coke, but they are good for you!". Are they mocking me? Are they saying "we can slap you in the face and you will still give us your money" ($30+ in this case)?

I don't think so. In my world, Hess is actually making a better statement than selling any model of a prototype hybrid tractor-trailer. Nay; they are rubbing our over-consuming, plastic-surgery-tailored American noses in the real problem. It doesn't take a cryptographer to read "drive useless big gas guzzlers, prices increase, you do the math" (that's top to bottom - the Japanese convention... who are one group of people laughing their way to the bank in their Prius).

Am I preaching? No - I get 26 MPG. But I am laughing at the irony.

The parking lot

Things you will find in an Upstate Walmart parking lot.

Seagulls. Yes, the nearest ocean is 300 miles away.

Abandoned vehicles. I told you about this one... Note the flat tire and missing license plate. You don't even want to know what's in the trunk.

Texroad Asshouse

Exhibit A:

If it doesn't say Texas, it's not Texas Roadhouse.

Exhibit B:

TEX ROADHOUSE

I rest my case.

Our local Texas Roadhouse has a bit of an issue with their neon sign - always have. Right after it opened (as I may already have mentioned) the problem became apparent. Each half of the sign was on a different circuit. This meant, that one side of the sign went from "TEXAS ROADHOUSE" to "TEX ROAD" and the other side became "AS HOUSE".

This was the source of endless amusement... and they have yet to get the kinks worked out. After many iterations, it is as the picture shows. Only, now I am aware that the malfunctioning sign has actually caused the restaurant to not exist - according to their own rules.

Half my shopping list! (take 2)

Point me to the chicken and deep fryer sections. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Half my shopping list!

Gibberish

I love technology, let's try again...

The tale of a barcode reader

He never had a chance, having been written off at a younge age. His subsequent crime spree is a testament to the power of labelling.

In the gay bar

This place is great...

Determinism

Say hypothetically that you are an Atheist... you may think you have it kind of hard because you have to deal with not having an afterlife. Well, as this video explains (more succinctly than I ever could) there is something much stickier to deal with: Determinism.
It is discussed here under the heading of "free will", but the dilemma is the same regardless of the name. And as is pointed out (a new consideration for me) - this may be an issue to consider religion or no.
I do hope the StumbleUpon page loads correctly. Let me know if it doesn't. Don't know what StumbleUpon is? Well, download it... and you will truly know what it is like to have no free will. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hit the Stumble button again.

Umm...

Perlick beer system.

Vending error

I mean, really - who designed these new machines? Who tested the design? It bogles the mind.

Line at the 'video store'

Yes, that is a dollar rental kiosk at the grocery store - neat in and of itself - funny when you add people. "It's about convenience!"

Putting Christ back in Xmas

I'm sure it's commemorating the birth of the holy child. What's that? Jesus wasn't born in December? Then I guess this really is just twisted.

Yep - still here

Great parking space

Livin' in white trash paradice! At least it's for a good cause.

V for Style

How do you think he got his locks so straight?

Glad to see you

Sit on my face.

How my sense of humor works

Having a class canceled is inconvenient, but less so when you know about it well ahead of time.

Oh that can't be healthy.

USDA serving size - half a glance.

I heart tabloids

I did not move these on the rack...

Puzzling

Some would be surprised to know that I found this gem in the parking lot of WalMart. I was at a loss as to what message they were going for. Perhaps some punctuation would alleviate my confusion.

• You are special, Jesus Christ. - meaning "as the only begotten son of our creator, you are one unique guy" or "that water to wine trick - that rocked"


• "You are special." - Jesus Christ - meant as a direct quote from the savior (and despite his easy going manner, JC knew a thing or two about sarcasm)


• You are special, Jesus Christ? - questioning or not believing the first statement


• You are special? Jesus Christ... - an exclamation of utter disbelief that you of all people are to be called special.


• You are special. Jesus Christ. - (the most plausible) an overseas bumpersticker manufacturer wanted something that would sell with the thoughtless masses and came up with "You are special". Upon seeing they had a lot of room left and no budget for clipart, they tossed on another dead-ringer for increasing sales. It barely won out in customer testing to "Pray for peace LINDSAY LOHAN"

And let's not forget - you are unique... just like everyone else.

What's that? Why don't I have something witty to say about the school bus? Well, in that case I CAN UNDERSTAND THE BLOODY POINT! Namely "School's in session - we don't want your minivan on the cover of the newspaper sporting a AAA sticker and the article title 'Vehicular Manslaughter Charged in Case of 4th Grader'."

At the upscale restaurant

Now that's just pretentious. To top it off, it's a conversion.

Please do not touch the TV

At Bobby's Place

My other post is haunted - have this one.

It must be halloween

The van was full.