- ...cooked a frozen pizza using an iron.
- Double desperate points if it was a travel iron.
- ...sustained yourself on Ramen Noodles and multivitamins.
- Double desperate points if the only reason you had the vitamins was because your mom gave them to you.
- Triple desperate points if you "cooked" the Ramen by letting it sit in the back window of your car until lunch.
- ...ate a pizza that was more than 7 days old.
- Double hunger points if it was at room temperature the whole time.
- Triple hunger points if it was stored in the top of your closet the whole time.
Please note, if you have ever cooked a substancial food item by wrapping it in foil and placing it on your engine block, you have too much time on your hands and are neither hungry nor desperate. Unless you are MacGyver. On second thought, if the food item is a stray dog, you may qualify.
On a serious note (cough) I want to share my solution to world hunger. Ramen Vending Machines. You've seen the machines that produce piping hot coffee fresh on demand. Picture that, but producing a steaming, hearty meal of delicious, low sodium, low fat Ramen Noodles!
Look - you, me, or anyone can buy a package of Ramen for about ten cents ($2 Canadian, 10^-4 cents Pounds Sterling). Think of how cheap it would be when buying by the truck-load for a world-wide network of vending machines. Now you can afford to have a soup kitchen on every corner! Picture the bright future - you could flip a quarter to a beggar on a cold winter's night, tell him to "get something to eat" and not feel at all guilty!
3 comments:
Until this dream is realized my interim solution for the homeless is to keep packets of ramen on me while traveling in major cities. "When you give the charity of ramen, you know they aren't buying booze." Of course the truly prodigious among them could use the starch in the noodles to ferment a crude alcoholic beverage. It could spread and morph into a yuppie revolution - walking into a hip bar and ordering a "Picante Beef Nissin Top-Beer". Mmmmm. Ah - it would eliminate the need for salty snacks to be sold at bars... And no matter how much you drank, you would always be thirsty. I smell a business model. Or perhaps that's just my Creamy Chicken wine.
The last recipe on the list is my favorite.
Funny, I know someone just hungry enough to eat very old pizza from the top shelf of a closet... Eeps!!! Belly fuzz-
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